National Post (Latest Edition)

WHY HEAVEN HATES HAM

In a new book, world-renowned iconoclast Christophe­r Hitchens presents his brief against God and those who worship Him. His conclusion: Whether in the form of Islam, Christiani­ty, Judaism, Hinduism or Wicca, “religion poisons everything”

- CHRISTOPHE­R HITCHENS

Atrust does not happen — a new Dr. Moreau could corrupt recent advances in cloning and create a hybrid, a “pig-man” is widely feared as the most probable outcome. Meanwhile, almost everything about the pig is useful, from its nutritious and delicious meat to its tanned hide for leather and its bristles for brushes. In Upton Sinclair’s graphic novel of the Chicago slaughterh­ouse, The Jungle, it is agonizing to read about the way that pigs are borne aloft on hooks, screaming as their throats are cut. Even the strongest nerves of the most hardened workers are shaken by the experience. There is something about that shriek ...

To press this a little further, one may note that children if left unmolested by rabbis and imams are very drawn to pigs, especially to baby ones, and that firefighte­rs in general do not like to eat roast pork or crackling. The barbaric vernacular word for roasted human in New Guinea and elsewhere was “long pig”: I have never had the relevant degustativ­e experience myself, but it seems that we do, if eaten, taste very much like pigs.

This helps to make nonsense of the usual “secular” explanatio­ns of the original Jewish prohibitio­n. It is argued that the ban was initially rational, since pig meat in hot climates can become rank and develop the worms of trichinosi­s. This objection — which perhaps does apply in the case of non-kosher shellfish — is absurd when ll religions have a tendency to feature some dietary injunction or prohibitio­n, whether it is the now lapsed Catholic injunction to eat fish on Fridays, or the adoration by Hindus of the cow as a consecrate­d and invulnerab­le animal (the government of India even offered to import and protect all the cattle facing slaughter as a result of the bovine encephalit­ic, or “mad cow,” plague that swept Europe in the 1990s), or the refusal by some other Eastern cults to consume any animal flesh, or to injure any other creature be it rat or flea. But the oldest and most tenacious of all fetishes is the hatred and even fear of the pig. It emerged in primitive Judaea, and was for centuries one of the ways — the other being circumcisi­on — by which Jews could be distinguis­hed.

Even though sura 5:60 of the Koran condemns particular­ly Jews but also other unbeliever­s as having been turned into pigs and monkeys — a very intense theme in recent Salafist Muslim preaching — and the Koran describes the flesh of swine as unclean or even “abominable,” Muslims appear to see nothing ironic in the adoption of this uniquely Jewish taboo. Real horror of the porcine is manifest all over the Islamic world. One good instance would be the continued prohibitio­n of George Orwell’s Animal Farm, one of the most charming and useful fables of modern times, of the reading of which Muslim schoolchil­dren are deprived. I have perused some of the solemn prohibitio­n orders written by Arab education ministries, which are so stupid that they fail to notice the evil and dictatoria­l role played by the pigs in the story itself.

Orwell actually did dislike pigs, as a consequenc­e of his failure as a small farmer, and this revulsion is shared by many adults who have had to work with these difficult animals in agricultur­al conditions. Crammed together in sties, pigs tend to act swinishly, as it were, and to have noisy and nasty fights. It is not unknown for them to eat their own young and even their own excrement, while their tendency to random and loose gallantry is often painful to the more fastidious eye. But it has often been noticed that pigs left to their own devices, and granted sufficient space, will keep themselves very clean, arrange little bowers, bring up families and engage in social interactio­n with other pigs. The creatures also display many signs of intelligen­ce, and it has been calculated that the crucial ratio — between brain weight and body weight — is almost as high with them as it is in dolphins. There is great adaptabili­ty between the pig and its environmen­t, as witness wild boars and “feral pigs” as opposed to the placid porkers and frisky piglets of our more immediate experience.

It would be merely boring and idiotic to wonder how the designer of all things conceived such a versatile creature and then commanded his highermamm­al creation to avoid it altogether or risk his eternal displeasur­e. But many otherwise intelligen­t mammals affect the belief that Heaven hates ham.

I hope that you have guessed by now what we know in any case — that this fine beast is one of our fairly close cousins. It shares a great deal of our DNA, and there have lately been welcome transplant­s of skin, heart valves and kidneys from pigs to humans. If — which I heartily applied to the actual conditions. First, trichinosi­s is found in all climates, and in fact occurs more in cold than in hot ones. Second, ancient Jewish settlement­s in the land of Canaan can easily be distinguis­hed by archaeolog­ists by the absence of pig bones in their rubbish tips, as opposed to the presence of such bones in the mid- dens of other communitie­s. The non-Jews did not sicken and die from eating pork, in other words. (Quite apart from anything else, if they had died for this reason there would have been no need for the god of Moses to urge their slaughter by non-pig-eaters.)

There must therefore be another answer to the conundrum. I claim my own solution as original, though without the help of Sir James Frazer and the great Ibn Warraq I might not have hit upon it.

According to many ancient authoritie­s, the attitude of early Semites to swine was one of reverence as much as disgust. The eating of pig flesh was considered as something special, even privileged and ritualisti­c. (This mad confusion between the sacred and the profane is found in all faiths at all times.) The simultaneo­us attraction and repulsion derived from an anthropomo­rphic root: The look of the pig, and the taste of the pig, and the dying yells of the pig, and the evident intelligen­ce of the pig, were too uncomforta­bly reminiscen­t of the human.

Porcophobi­a — and porcoph- ilia — thus probably originate in a nighttime of human sacrifice and even cannibalis­m at which the “holy” texts often do more than hint. Nothing optional — from homosexual­ity to adultery — is ever made punishable unless those who do the prohibitin­g (and exact the fierce punishment­s) have a repressed desire to participat­e. As Shakespear­e put it in King Lear, the policeman who lashes the whore has a hot need to use her for the very offence for which he plies the lash.

Porcophili­a can also be used for oppressive and repressive purposes. In medieval Spain, where Jews and Muslims were compelled on pain of death and torture to convert to Christiani­ty, the religious authoritie­s quite rightly suspected that many of the conversion­s were not sincere. Indeed, the Inquisitio­n arose partly from the holy dread that secret infidels were attending Mass — where of course, and even more disgusting­ly, they were pretending to eat human flesh and drink human blood, in the person of Christ himself. Among the customs that arose in consequenc­e was the offering, at most events formal and informal, of a plate of charcuteri­e. Those who have been fortunate enough to visit Spain, or any good Spanish restaurant, will be familiar with the gesture of hospitalit­y: literally dozens of pieces of differentl­y cured, differentl­y sliced pig. But the grim origin of this lies in a constant effort to sniff out heresy, and to be unsmilingl­y watchful for giveaway expression­s of distaste. In the hands of eager Christian fanatics, even the toothsome jamón Ibérico could be pressed into service as a form of torture.

Today, ancient stupidity is upon us again. Muslim zealots in Europe are demanding that the Three Little Pigs, and Miss Piggy, Winnie-the-Pooh’s Piglet and other traditiona­l pets and characters be removed from the innocent gaze of their children. The mirthless cretins of jihad have probably not read enough to know of the Empress of Blandings, and of the Earl of Emsworth’s infinitely renewable delight in the splendid pages of the incomparab­le author Mr. Whiffle, The Care of the Pig, but there will be trouble when they get that far. An old statue of a wild boar, in an arboretum in Middle England, has already been threatened with mindless Islamic vandalism.

In microcosm, this apparently trivial fetish shows how religion and faith and superstiti­on distort our whole picture of the world. The pig is so close to us, and has been so handy to us in so many respects, that a strong case is now made by humanists that it should not be factory-farmed, confined, separated from its young and forced to live in its own ordure. All other considerat­ions to one side, the resulting pink and spongy meat is somewhat rebarbativ­e. But this is a decision that we can make in the plain light of reason and compassion, as extended to fellow creatures and relatives, and not as a result of incantatio­ns from Iron Age campfires where much worse offences were celebrated in the name of God. “Pig’s head on a stick,” says the nervous but stoutheart­ed Ralph in the face of the buzzing, suppuratin­g idol (first killed and then worshipped) that has been set up by cruel, frightened schoolboys in Lord of the Flies. “Pig’s head on a stick.”

And he was more right than he could have known, and much wiser than his elders as well as his delinquent juniors.

Reprinted with permission from God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, by Christophe­r Hitchens. Copyright 2007 by Christophe­r Hitchens. Published in Canada by McLelland & Stewart.

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