‘there will be death and destruction’
The ultra-violence of Machete Kills and 300: Rise of an Empire make Kiss-Ass 2 look like a kids’ movie
When Jim Carrey took to Twitter recently to distance himself from the violent movie Kick-Ass 2, he left some questions hanging. Firstly, did he not realize a movie called Kick-Ass 2 was violent when he signed up for it? But he also ignored a larger issue of movie violence that has nothing to do with guns. I’m talking machetes.
Machete Kills is the sequel to 2010’s Machete, which was itself spun off from a fake trailer attached to 2007’s Grindhouse. danny Trejo plays the titular, title-wielding badass. Amazingly, he also appears as a toned-down version of the same character in the child-friendly Spy Kids franchise.
returning alongside Trejo from the first film is Michelle Rodriguez as a weapons dealer and taco chef and Jessica Alba as the sexiest immigration officer on either side of the Mexican border.
Who else is in it? Might be quicker to say who isn’t, but here goes. Amber Heard stars as Miss San Antonio. Sofia Vergara pops up in a 38-calibre bra. Mel Gibson plays a billionaire arms dealer. (robert downey Jr. wasn’t available, I guess.) Lady Gaga makes her big-screen debut. Also in the cast: Vanessa
‘Trained to kill. Left for dead. Back for more’
Hudgens, Alexa Vega, Antonio Banderas, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Demian Bichir.
Oh, and Charlie Sheen as the President of the united States. (Martin Sheen wasn’t available, I guess.) Actually, Sheen reverts to his birth name, Carlos Estevez, in the credits, though whether this is because he’s embarrassed by the film or the film is embarrassed by him is anyone’s guess.
But who could be embarrassed by this tagline? “Trained to kill. Left for dead. Back for more.”
Machete Kills opens in October. But it won’t be able to hold a candle (or a machete) to the release next March of 300: Rise of an Empire. The sequel to the surprisingly successful 2006 film 300 didn’t go with the title 301, presumably because it features many, many more beefy soldiers.
“There will be death and destruction,” someone croaks in the trailer, and it sounds less like a threat than a promise. Blades slash, flaming arrows fly, flaming hammers fly and there are some fiery explosions that are even more impressive when you remember that the action takes place in the fifth century B.C.
Add to that splintered ships, equestrian battles, hot coals, slow motion skewering and even shots that make the planing of wood look like an act of violence, and you’ve got a bloodbath of a sequel. Thankfully, Carrey had no part in it.