A better approach to helping trapped Orthodox Jewish women
Observant Jews follow the written Jewish Bible (the Torah ) and the Talmud, its oral laws — both of which, Jews believe, were given to the Jews on Mount Sinai. According to the Book of Deuteronomy (Dvarim) and these oral laws, both Jewish men and women who wish to remarry within their faith require the consent of their spouse to obtain a Jewish divorce, called a Jewish Bill of Divorcement or “get.” The Rabbis cannot issue a divorce order, They only supervise the granting of a get by the husband and its being received by the wife.
Sometimes, a Jewish spouse unfairly withholds his or her consent to extort parenting or financial advantages in a family law settlement or simply withhold the consent out of spite. In 1986, I originated ideas to help address such abuse that led to new family laws in both Ontario and under Canada’s Divorce Act as chairman and counsel of B’nai Brith’s Family Law committee. The committee, under my guidance, effectively lobbied for such remedial legislation. We had the assistance of many groups and faiths, not just within the Orthodox community.
From our perspective, Barbara Kay should be congratulated for raising the issue in her recent column (“Set Orthodox women free,” Nov. 13). Although the Ontario and Canadian get legislation has helped a great deal, the problem persists, especially outside our country. Victimized spouses need our assistance through persuasion, legal community pressure and sometimes litigation. Nonethe-- he has the power to initiate or refuse to accept the document. In reality, either party may contact a Jewish divorce court and initiate the process to request the other’s consent. It may surprise Ms. Kay and many readers to learn that according to
According to a recent Israeli study, husbands and wives refuse to consent to Jewish divorce in equal numbers
less, Ms. Kay’s comments must be clarified, and this issue must be put into a larger perspective.
First, many incorrectly assume that because the man technically gives the Jewish divorce document or get into the hands of the woman during the Jewish divorce ceremony, only a recent Israeli study, as many wives refuse to consent to a Jewish divorce as do husbands. This study conforms to my own experience as a family law lawyer of 33 years, as do a number of reported cases.
No doubt, inequalities still exist. Jewish women suffer more than men when denied the ability to remarry within the Jewish faith, especially if they have new children without a get. However, giving simplistic explanations of “male domination,” and demanding that Orthodox rabbis ignore the Torah/Talmudic, does not properly reflect Jewish law, Jewish history and Jewish Holiness.
To an observant Jew, only man-made laws can be changed, not laws ordained by God (a view with which many do not agree). But should we respect or malign such views in a tolerant and democratic society?
“The Torah may be sacred to observant Jews, but many once-countenanced ancient practices are not,” Barbara Kay writes. “Over the centuries, talmudic sages jettisoned the Torah-based endorsement of slavery … Why not the get as well?”
But the law of slavery wasn’t changed — though it is true that, because social circumstances evolved and Jews began living in exile, the Rabbis prohibited a Jew from owning another human being in case he began to treat such a person outside the humane rules of the Torah and the Talmud. (Similarly, argues Ms. Kay, if the rabbis abolished animal sacrifice, why not the laws of Jewish divorce? Well, those laws also were actually never abolished. They can’t be followed until the Jewish Temple is rebuilt at the time of the Jewish Messiah, since animal sacrifice was only sanctioned at that Holy site.)
Fighting for both men and women chained to their spouses is a challenge to all Jews and others. No Jew should claim a monopoly on a “passion for justice” or attempt to castigate another’s beliefs and traditions. That is a zero sum game. However, understanding the issues and working together is surely a more fruitful approach to help those in such trapped situations.