if you must go out:

how not to get heat stroke

Step 1: Stay in inside

The real key to avoiding heat stroke is staying inside until late September. Early October, if you really want to be sure about it. Believe me, you’ll love it.

Step 2: Plan B

If you absolutely must go outside — or if someone you love or respect enough to force yourself into the sweltering light of day or otherwise risk losing their camaraderie — stay in the shade as much as possible. It’s not actually cooler in the shade (in fact, official weather temperatures are taken out of sunlight), but increased perspiration (which leads to dehydration) and any sunburn increases the risk of developing heat stroke

substantially.

Step 3: Stay hydrated

We know you know this one, but do you really do it? If it’s hot out, drink tons of water. Not beer, not wine, not anything else that will help you mentally distance yourself from how tangibly humid it is. Plain H2O, or, if you don’t like plain water, get a Soda Stream or similar. In the very likely event that you are drinking alcohol, go one for one: one beer,

one water.

Step 5: Go slow

Last but not least, take it easy. Summer is garbage and sweating is for chumps, but if you’ve gotta go out, go out and do nothing. Just sit there in the dark, in your roomy cotton slacks with your bubbly water thing, and wait for it to be cold

again. Sweet, sweet cold.

Step 4: Don’t dress like an idiot

What you wear out of doors in the heat is just as important as it is in the cold. Are you going outside in 35-degree heat in skinny jeans? Stop right there, imagine for a second how unbearable that’s

going to be, and find some linen, which provides both coverage and breathability. There is such a thing as a stylish, loosefitting pant and you are not a teenager, if our most recent reader survey

is any indication.