The improved byzantine system

We don’ t talk enough about the shame that comes with the ephemeral pleasure we experience when we hear that the Ontario government is loosening its death grip on alcohol sales. These are inconsequential changes to a byzantine system, we tell ourselves, trying desperately to avert our eyes from the smiling premier and her ostentatiously labelled shopping basket.

“WINE I N GROCERY S T ORES ,” the basket screams, helping the mouthbreathers of the province understand why Premier Kathleen Wynne just pulled a bottle of red off a shelf in a midtown Toronto grocery story. “Oh, wine in grocery stores,” we repeat, like loyal indentured imbibers, watching the premier and her finance minister sidekick make their way across the TV screen.

We want to change the channel: to rebuff the province’s meagre little breadcrumbs, tossed from the turret of its mighty, monopolistic castle — as we often remind ourselves. But we can’t. Instead, we’ ll pitifully, silently, shamefully hope that our local grocery store will be among those granted the honour of selling very specific types of wines at purposely marked- up prices, and we’ll try to ignore the little pang of delight we experience when we finally see a bottle of Merlot share the checkout counter with our free- range eggs and pre- washed salad kits.

We know there’s nothing really to be excited about: after all, adults in Quebec, Europe, the United States and elsewhere have long been permitted to buy alcohol and milk in the same store. But this is Ontario — land of incorrigible government “social responsibilities” and sweetheart contract deals — and though we know these paltry l i ttle concessions aren’t anything approaching the meaningful retail reform the province has been in desperate need of for the last century or so, we console ourselves with the begrudging acknowledgment that, at the very least, Ontario is moving in the right direction.

But alas, that won’t do. No, t his plan makes no sense. Under the new regime, 70 grocery stores will soon be able to sell wine, but half of those stores will be restricted to selling VQA wines — all of which are produced in Ontario or B.C. — for the first three years, while the others will be permitted to sell both imported and domestic wines. It is protec- tionist, but only fleetingly. For this, Wynne hauled out the pretentiously branded shopping baskets? This is what strangled the Queen’s Park news cycle?

The plan is designed to “i ntroduce competition,” while at the same time ensuring that no grocery store can actually compete with the LCBO; yes, consumers will soon have the option t o buy wine somewhere other than the LCBO, or an existing Wine Rack or Wine Shop, but they won’t necessarily have access to longer hours ( the scheme “would not allow gains for consumers to be achieved at the expense of social responsibility”) and will have to pay at least $ 10.95 per bottle, regardless of the price at the LCBO.

And while the government does intend to “improve consumer access and convenience,” by allowing its citizens more choice in where they purchase their wines, it has also decided that permitting more than 300 grocery stores to sell wine, beer and cider by 2025 would be a little too much access, and a bit too convenient.

This i s the foundation that breeds the cognitive dissonance each Ontari an experiences when he or she hears of another big alcohol- related announcement. Starved for any type of change, we can’t help but devour t he morsels the government decides to throw in our direction, even though we know we’ll later shudder upon reflection of our own pitiful credulousness.

Yes, we wanted wine and beer in grocery stores and, yes, it might be a step in the right direction, but no: this tortuously complicated, inherently contradictory, infuriatingly controlled new scheme is not even close to what most of us in the province were hoping for. But for now, we have no choice by to play the role of the fractious hostage, growling about “trivial changes” as we flip off the TV in frustration, while still silently, shamefully keeping our f i ngers crossed t hat t he Loblaws around the block will make the first cut.

ADULTS ELSEWHERE IN THE WORLD HAVE LONG BEEN ABLE TO BUY ALCOHOL AND MILK IN THE SAME STORE. BUT THIS IS ONTARIO.