ALONE IS NOT LONELY

There is a Thai restaurant that I like to go to every couple of weeks by myself. I’ll bring a book or my Twitter feed for company. The food is great, made just the way I like it. The wait staff is lovely and the owner knows me by name. His smile the second I walk in is the ideal reassurance that I’m in for a great dinner – and that’s all that matters.

But when you’re on your own while doing an activity that is typically considered a group one – whether it’s eating, going to a movie or grabbing a drink at a bar – it can be difficult to feel completely free of judgement from fellow patrons. More than a few self- conscious thoughts tend to run through your mind: Are people staring at me? Do they think I’m pathetic?

If you find yourself asking these type of internal questions, I recommend asking one more: when was the last time you saw someone else at dinner alone? Don’t remember? That’s because no one cares. No one cares who I am or who you are, no one cares where we go, no one cares that we’re alone. And by “no one,” I mean strangers: the people who don’t matter; those you wouldn’t recognize in a police line- up.

There’s a key difference between being lonely and being alone, and if you aren’t craving the pleasure (or disappointment) of someone else’s company, then nothing else should matter.

The rules for accepted social and solo behaviours are incredibly arbitrary. Why, for example, is it perfectly acceptable to do a grocery run by yourself, but going to the movies all alone still might seem kind of odd. You don’t need another person to grab some veggies, but you also don’t need another person to see a movie and laugh at all the parts you don’t think are funny.

It’s a simple matter of reframing. There are few greater pleasures to be had in the city than Sunday at a coffee shop with your book. Ditto for watching that foreign film. The same goes for grabbing a drink at the bar – a spot built for soloists and, incidentally, a great way to befriend the bartender. It’s a detox for the soul – you’ll feel calmer and more in touch with what you love.

And as a bonus, you can people-watch, and see all those weirdos doing things with friends when they could be soaking up all the pleasures of being alone.