No ifs, ands or butts
The Verge recently published a story titled “Why did my boyfriend like Emily Ratajkowski’s butt on Instagram?” In it, the author learns that her boyfriend had liked a model’s butt picture on Instagram, and so, she proceeds to express her confusion over such behaviour. She polls people to find out their individual Instagram etiquette and collects opinions on why her boyfriend liked the picture.
“My immediate reaction wasn’t so much anger as it was confusion. Why did he like this photo? Is he so un-evolved that he can’t resist the allure of a butt pic? Obviously he liked the photo because he liked what he saw, but I still don’t get it. It’s not like I’m afraid he’s going to leave me for @mrata, yet something about the action of his liking turns me off.”
Beyond how silly this is, there’s something for us to learn here. However, it has less to do with why her boyfriend liked the picture than it does the stress that such a small action is causing her. Social media has been found to cause high levels of loneliness, envy, anxiety, depression, narcissism and decreased social skills. Instagram, specifically, seems to exist solely to make you feel bad about your life in comparison to others. People use the medium to display a curated version of their ideal selves, to project a perfect life even when the reality is anything but. And when an ordinary person logs in, they’re bombarded with the awesome and fun lives of people who seem better looking and fabulously more wealthy. The app’s popularity is a direct link to our own overwhelming sense of insecurity and masochistic tendencies.
That’s why you should never, ever, under any circumstances, follow someone you’re dating on social media. You’re reading their projections and thoughts, and most of the time seeing a side of them that is not real to a personal experience. That conflict only leads to skepticism about who they really are. If you don’t fit the image of the people that they seem to prefer, it’s hard not to feel hurt by their likes – even if you try to pass it off as investigative journalism. The stress and anxiety that comes with being on social media doubles when you’re constantly wondering what your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing and whose butts they’re liking.
For the sake of your brain and your relationship, it’s best to not pay attention to what your significant other is doing on Instagram. Pretending that they don’t exist in that world is for the best. No butts about it.