Walker, Westeros Ranger

As Game of Thrones enters its penultimate season, it’s basically anyone’s game. The Great War promises to be a massive spectacle of would-be kings and queens duking it out to see who rules the Seven Kingdoms, but when the dust settles, the only way this show can wrap up nicely is with a consummate White Walker victory.

Let’s consider a few alternative scenarios.

1. Dany dragons her way to the throne. Cool, another Targaryen rules the world. Queen White Saviour could have a few “wow populism is harder than I thought” subplots, but her trusty group of advisors will eventually set her on the straight and boring.

2. Jon becomes King in the North and South and Everywhere Else, also. Goody Two-Lives would be the most average king in history. I don’t tune in to Game of Swords and Boobs to watch Jon rule with an even hand and fair judgement. Besides, we all know what happens to mopey curly-haired good boys, Robb.

3. Cersei retains power. Yawn. Nobody wants to see I-only-lovemy-kids-and-now-they’re-alldead rule a world she doesn’t care about. Let Jaime have his inner turmoil, and eventually choose between Cersei and Tyrion once and for all, then become Queenslayer and be done with it.

4. A minor character seizes the throne. I love a melodramatic Littlefinger speech as much as the next guy, but he’s no king. Same goes for Varys, Yara, Ellaria, et cetera – some might actually be capable rulers, but it wouldn’t make sense to spend six seasons setting up a Lannister / Stark / Targaryen showdown only to have an angry Dornishwoman end up on top.

5. Fun combo time. Could the Song of Ice and Fire mean a romance between Jon (ice) and Dany (fire)? Maybe they’ll rule hand-in-hand. Who wouldn’t want to see some of that good aunt-nephew lovin’? And I know the makeout scene from the trailer has a few of you horndogs rooting for an EllYaria power couple. But the fact remains that putting people on the Iron Throne is just not compelling.

Game of Thrones is too damn interesting to end in any of these ways. And there’s too much at stake to end it without resolving the war. The only way to do that satisfactorily is with the enormous threat almost everyone has been ignoring – through six seasons – completely erasing all of humanity.

It’s either long live the White Walker reign or up with King Pod.