‘Soul of kindness’ and tireless campaigner
Suman Virk stands in an elementary school gymnasium filled with students.
“Bullies thrive on you keeping quiet. That’s how they get their power,” she says slowly and clearly into the mic, her eyes scanning the room.
“So I can’t stress that enough. If there’s a problem you’re having, talk about it.”
The YouTube clip is just one example of the countless speeches that Virk gave over the years as she worked tirelessly to stop bullying and youth violence following the 1997 swarming and murder of her 14-year-old daughter, Reena, in Victoria, B.C., by a group of her peers — a case that made headlines around the world.
Virk, 58, died over the weekend in a tragic accident. She was eating in a café when she started choking, the Times Colonist reported. Her airway was constricted for several minutes, which left her brain-dead. A private funeral is planned for this Saturday.
Her death sparked an outpouring of condolences from government leaders to strangers, who praised her “pioneering” work in bullying and violence prevention.
“Suman’s tireless work to end bullying has helped make life better for countless kids in B.C.,” Premier John Horgan tweeted.
Carol Todd, whose 15-year-old daughter Amanda took her own life in 2012 after enduring years of online bullying, told the National Post she never got to meet Virk but always admired her and her family’s advocacy.
“We both had impactful stories about our daughters and the ways they both were treated and mistreated, ultimately ending in (tragedy). Suman and her family were open to sharing this story from lived experience and making it a learning and awareness tool for others.”
From an early age, Reena had been taunted by bullies. They’d “put gum in her hair, teased her about her appearance and threatened to beat her up,” her father, Manjit Virk, later wrote in a book titled Reena: A Father’s Story. “This continued even in high school. Finally, bullies killed her.”
A group of teens — mostly girls — attacked Reena on Nov. 14, 1997, under the Craigflower Bridge in Victoria. As she attempted to leave the area, Warren Glowatski, then 15, and Kelly Ellard, then 16, continued the assault and drowned her. They were later convicted of second-degree murder.
In the aftermath of Reena’s death, local residents suggested renaming the bridge in her honour. But Suman Virk was reluctant, telling the local paper: “We want to get on with life without being constantly reminded of what happened.”
But as much as Virk didn’t want to be reminded of the tragedy, she and her husband threw themselves into advocacy work — travelling across the country, speaking to schools, youth camps and criminology classes.
“(Suman Virk’s) willingness to touch the darkest, most horrific side of her life so that other youth could be inspired to change the world around them showed such a strength of character,” said Victoria police Sgt. Paul Brookes, founder of Youth for Change and Inclusion, an initiative of the Victoria Police Department.
“She talked of forgiveness and moving forward with grief. She was such a great example of … how to channel tragedy into something more positive.”
In 2009, Virk and her husband received the province’s highest honour recognizing contributions to community safety, the Anthony J. Hulme Award of Distinction.
The award noted not only the Virks’ anti-bullying efforts but also their promotion of restorative justice — the concept that true healing doesn’t necessarily come from harsher punishments but rather from the coming together of criminal and victim, giving them a chance to understand one another and work to repair the harm done.
That was put on full — and dramatic — display in 2007 when Glowatski, after being granted day parole, walked tearfully into the arms of Suman Virk.
“He was an angry, scared little kid, who was trying to prove something in a negative way,” she told reporters at the time.
Glowatski was granted full parole in 2010. Ellard, meanwhile, who gave birth to a baby while in prison, was granted day parole late last year.
An editorial in the Times Colonist this week implored readers to heed Virk’s call “to greet others with the open hand instead of the fist.”
“Suman Virk lived through the horrific death of her daughter, and through it found the best in herself. With her passing, the community has lost a soul of kindness.”