Mothers in a pandemic
A crisis may be the best time to let go, just a little.
For Mother’s Day, Weekend Post asked a selection of mothers what they’ve learned about parenting through the pandemic. The best lesson? Sometimes being the best mom means letting go — of the rules, the schedules, the expectations. And just doing what it takes to get by Cassie CampbellPascall
Hockey broadcaster
My daughter, Brooke, is nine, an only child and r eally active, and she needs to be a r ound other people. She does Girl Guides, plays hockey — and we took guitar lessons together — and so there is usually lots going on with her. COVID- 1 9 has been a little overwhelming, this new routine of not having activities, and so there are emotional moments. We have talked to her about what’s going on, on a level she understands. We’re honest. She knows why her grandparents need to stay away to help keep everybody safe, and we try to call them every second day or so — and so, in a way, we are more connected than we were before.
Every day is different, and we try to plan different activities. We made rockets using pop and Mentos last week. We’ll do circuits in the backyard involving our trampoline and our hockey trainer. Some days, you’ ll wake up with 10 ideas of what to do and some days you wake up with none. Obviously, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but the pandemic has helped me take a break that I never otherwise would have taken. It has made my hugs with Brooke a little longer. It has made me appreciate having the three of us at home. Brad ( Campbell’s husband) and I travel a lot for work, especially in the winter months, and so it is very rare the three of us are home together, and it’s made me appreciate that dynamic. To be honest, it has allowed me to reconnect with Brad. We sit out by the fire pit as a family making S’mores, and doing all the things we never seem to have time to do.
I have always known what’s important, but it has reminded me to slow down and smell the roses, and to understand that I don’t need to be so rushed all the time, trying to get everything done. It has also made me appreciate what I do. I love covering hockey, I am lucky to be able to do it and I miss sports tremendously. The toughest part as a mom has been making sure Brooke doesn’t get bored. Let’s face it, the screen time is way up, and I kind of don’t care, but at the same time I do, and so it’s trying to get her off the screen and coming up with ideas — and also dealing with the weather in Calgary. We still have snow here.
We still put Brooke to bed, only now I have time to lie there with her without feeling as though I need to get downstairs to clean the house to get that sanity time you’re always looking for when you are so busy with work. I honestly think talking with her, communicating, hugging — it’s been easier as a mom — because you have that time. I ask her everyday, “Are you OK?” And s o me day s she is fine, and some days she needs to talk. Were
I to do anything differently, it would probably be being more scheduled with Brooke, but I wouldn’t change much.
On Mother’s Day, there is no question: I am sleeping in and having breakfast delivered to me in bed. That’s our thing.
— As told to Joe O’connor, National Post
Katrina Onstad
Novelist
What I’ve learned about parenting teenagers during a pandemic: When every other possible thing has been done, your 14-year-old daughter will go into the basement and dig out your ancient mix tapes, music magazines, Fluevogs, look at you sideways and ask: “Wait – were you cool?” You’ve lost the argument against phones. The phone passes for contact. The phone wins. What they say about boredom is true: kids need more of it. Boredom will spark imagination and creativity and inspire constant bedroom redecorating that involves plastering a wall with pictures of Timothée Chalamet and taking them down a week later because Timothée Chalemet is early- pandemic hot and she aged out of that stuff. What they say about boredom is true: kids need less of it. Your 16- year- old son will fill the empty time with napping and Netflix, and you will ask, gently, if he’s depressed. He will give you a hug and say: “I’m OK. Are you OK?” And you’ll be slayed. They don’t miss organized activities. Neither do you. You can’ t l ie to them. No matter how many optimistic forecasts and how much false cheer you offer, they know this is hard. They are learning to live with fear and discomfort. This is something you could never teach them. You are not a teacher. Google Hang is also not a teacher. Teachers are teachers, and they are profoundly missed. If you were not a board- game family before, you won’t be a board- game family during a lockdown.to get a kid to go outside, a sadeyed dog is a much better motivator than a lecture on mind-body wellness.
By having all this time together, you realize that in the big picture, the time you have together is so very short. That you can lead a teenager to The Graduate but you can’t make it relevant. When you’re the only game in town, you get to see your kids’ unguarded, public selves, and observe their goofy loveliness that’s usually reserved for everyone else. The same thing you tell them about the pandemic is the same thing you should be telling yourself at every parenting bump and stumble: Breathe. Mostly, we are lucky. That every one of you did the best you could.
— Katrina Onstad’s new novel, Stay Where I Can
See You, is about an unusually tight mother- daughter relationship t hat’s dangerously tested when a family wins $ 10 million in a lottery.
Amy Greer
Infectious diseases scientist
Our household is comprised of myself, my husband, Mark, and our two daughters, Esme, 8, and Isla, who will celebrate her 5th birthday at the end of May.
One of the areas in which I work looks at contact networks and how people come in contact with one another in ways that allows a disease to spread. My kids understand that this is the reason behind physical distancing.
I think one of my most memorable — and proud — pandemic moments was when my eight- yearold drew out a network diagram of all of the houses on our street and then explained to me how