IN JAPAN, LOVE AMID LOCKDOWN
MATCHMAKING COMPANIES SEEING SURGE
Japan’s matchmakers faced a problem: how to make those matches during the social distancing of the pandemic?
Gone were group gatherings, one of the common icebreakers held by Japan’s popular agencies for people seeking a mate. Also called off were the one- on- one introductions arranged by dozens of Japan’s matchmaking companies, which can charge monthly fees as high as $ 270 for the many in Japan who don’t want to go solo into the online dating world.
So the now-familiar tool of pandemic- era business — the video chat and those little windows — became an unexpected opportunity for Japan’s Cupids for hire.
Online matchmaking in Japan has become a rare upbeat counterpoint to the economic slowdowns, shutdowns and restrictions during the COVID-19 crisis.
Matchmaking agencies say the video encounters have proved to be a hit, removing the pressures of arranged face- to- face sessions in a society that often discourages being bold and open in first meetings.
“Without the online setting, we never would have met,” said Kazunori Nakanishi, a 31-year-old hotel employee from the eastern city of Kumamoto.
Matchmakers arranged for him to chat with Ayako, a 43- year- old social worker. She lives in Tokyo, about 885 kilometres away.
Late last month, shortly after restrictions on travel were lifted across Japan, they met in person for the first time. The following day they got married.
“For people who are shy, I think being able to join from your ‘ castle,’ from your home base, without being inhibited by distance, makes it easier, rather than being overwhelmed in a strange place,” Nakanishi said. ( Ayako spoke on the condition that only her first name be used because of privacy concerns.)
Japanese women, in particular, are often reluctant to share contact details with prospective matches, and sometimes spend days chatting online before even exchanging photos, exhausting themselves with worry whether the only person is trustworthy, said Kota Takada, president of LMO, the matchmaking company that first brought the couple together through the video- chat app Zoom.
“On Zoom, people can have fruitful conversations pretty close to those you can have in person,” without exchanging personal contacts, he said. “This is a very rational way of expanding your chances while feeling safe and secure at home.”
Matchmaking services of various kinds are popular in Japan — setting up meetings or arranging activities for people to interact. Official data is not available, but at least tens of thousands of people use these services every year seeking a partner.
Ayako, the newlywed, said it is easier to meet online. You don’t have to spend quite so long getting ready, or leave home all dressed up to travel to an unfamiliar place, she said.
LMO and other companies tend to start with a group meeting conducted over Zoom: An emcee makes everyone comfortable, helps them introduce themselves and asks them a few questions to spark conversation. How have you been being spending your time at home? How do you imagine married life to be? What are your dreams? Then participants pair off into breakout rooms and spend several minutes chatting to each prospective partner in turn.
Kazunori and Ayako met three times in this way before finally deciding to start “online dating” around May 20. Over the next month, they spent a huge amount of time together online, sometimes staying connected for up to eight hours as they went about their lives.
They discovered a common passion for motorbikes and shared a dream to ride around Japan.
Kazunori proposed to Ayako on June 19 at a wedding chapel, along with Takada from LMO, with friends from their online matchmaking events joining by Zoom to congratulate them. They registered their marriage the following day, making it legal, but are still to hold a formal ceremony.
Matchmaking companies have restarted in- person events since the state of emergency was lifted in Japan in May, but will also continue to stage online events as well.
Marriage has been on a longterm decline in Japan for decades and not just because the population of young people has been shrinking.
A marriage boom in the 1970s saw more than 1 million couples tie the knot every year. By 2019, the number had fallen to 599,000.
Could the pandemic turn that number around some? Yuko Okamoto, who jointly runs the Hachidori marriage referral company in Tokyo, believes so.
She was surprised to see more people than usual exchanging contact details at their online matchmaking parties.
“I felt that people were really anxious to marry,” she said. “They have really been taking the stay-athome request seriously and working at home, and then starting to feel lonely.”
A VERY RATIONAL WAY OF EXPANDING YOUR CHANCES WHILE FEELING SAFE ... AT HOME.