FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT ‘ TECHNOSEXUALS’

If the pandemic weren’t surreal enough, a recent study by sex- toy company We-vibe revealed that 14 per cent of men admit to being aroused by Alexa, the smart speaker,

which confirms psychotherapist Lucy Beresford’s

view that we have been sleepwalking into a different kind of epidemic — a fear of

intimacy. Here’s her view.

1

Love online

As a psychotherapist for 20 years, and have never worked with so many men and women who are unhappy and scared, because their deepest attachments and primary source of arousal are through interacting with their tech. I call these people “technosexuals.” Technosex

uals find fulfilment by mobilizing the reward system — likes and comments — that

releases dopamine.

2

Ersatz love

Technosexuals use their tech like a sex toy in their pocket — human intercourse no longer cuts it. It comes down to a deep-seated fear of intimacy, the main trait of the technosexual, which lockdown has only intensified. Many partners suffer in silence, ashamed to admit their rival is a piece of tech.

3

Vicious cycle

Technosexuals are perhaps the most troubling cohort of mental health sufferers, because the source of their distress appears so innocuous. But the technosexual is affected by intensified use, which arises from (and is subsequently inflamed by) an existing fear of closeness.

4

Play dates

The We-vibe study highlights the importance of weaning technosexuals off tech. Single technosexuals write witty

messages ahead of dates, which often never take place, or get set up and then cancelled — with COVID giving cover to their fears. And so, many convince themselves their intimate life is func

tioning — when it isn’t.

5

See someone

Let’s be clear. Technology is not causing this fear of intimacy, but is making it easier to give in to. And like other forms of self- destructive, reality- avoidant behaviour, it can be hard to stop. But technosexuals can get one- to- one therapy. Or if you suspect your partner or date prefers their tech to you, speak up to clarify what

is and isn’t acceptable.