Making good memories
Even in the best of times, change is challenging for children who typically thrive on predictability and consistency. Today, that stress has been compounded by the instability and rapid changes that have resulted from COVID-19.
In the past nine-months, children have been in and out of school for undetermined amounts of time, learning at home with the many accompanying distractions, and had their circle of friends and family taken away. “Children typically do well in an environment they believe is fair. From a young person’s perspective, the restrictions that have come from the pandemic are not, especially as they are not sick. Their social lives have been curtailed and they lack the interaction, contact and support of the friends on which they thrive. That is a very difficult time for them,” says Carolyn Fitzgerald, assistant professor with the faculty of education at Wilfred Laurier University.
The challenge for parents — and teachers — is to help create positive memories for children from this time, rather than lasting trauma.
Fitzgerald believes that building resilience is key. “Creating a more resilient generation is one of the positive impacts that can come from this time. Resilience comes from facing challenges head-on and overcoming them, not from a life of ease. Bringing in more consistency and predictability can help. Have dinner together every night, set bedtime routines, or make Saturdays games day with a soup and sandwich lunch. It doesn’t have to be big, yet bringing consistency into areas of a child’s life sends the message that, while unpredictability may happen, the family is still operating from a stable place.”
Modelling positivity is a critical factor in helping children through this time. “That doesn’t meet ignoring the bad. We can acknowledge the issues while focusing on those things we are grateful for and that are going well or even in neutral,” notes Fitzgerald. “Help build self-efficacy by applauding achievements and looking at the gifts your children have to offer and how they can be shared. My teenage sons are my tech support team. I depend on their knowledge and assistance to learn new things. Being overt about successes helps bring balance.”
Social support is another important part of helping youngsters meet challenges head-on, she adds. “Find as many ways as possible to facilitate those connections, whether it is through phone calls, video chats, emails, or going for a walk. I applaud those teachers who take time during Zoom instruction to do a little check-in with children, or allow Google Meets to remain open for extra time so students can hang out and foster the social support they need.”
Social, emotional and cognitive wellbeing is the wraparound for all learning, says Lindsay Norberg, associate head of the senior school at Havergal College, a Jk-tograde-12 all-girls day school in Toronto. “To help ensure the wellbeing of students during this time, every aspect is addressed throughout the day with each girl. There are deliberate check-ins between teachers and students where we address any issues. Once a week, senior school girls connect with a guidance counsellor as part of our dedicated wellness programming. In grade 9, the focus is on developing social relationships, initiating conversations, and expanding peer groups.”
Kate White, head of Havergal’s junior school, adds, “Kindergarten students have a wellness checkin at 9 a.m. and 3 p.m., where the focus is naming what they are feeling in the moment. One day a four-yearold explained that she was a little in the ‘blue zone’ because she was tired of the hard work, and a little in the green zone because she was able to see all her teachers and friends. Having that ability to identify what they are feeling without judgement is an empowering reflective tool that children can use in any type of situation.”
Meditation, guidance and shortened classes are part of the new normal at TFS, a Pkto-grade-12 co-ed day school in Toronto.
“The 10 minutes taken out of study time for each class has been replaced with physical activity. This allows students to rest their eyes, stretch, and shut off up to six times each day,” says Norman Gaudet, executive director of the Learning Forum at the school.
For parents, TFS offers workshops covering resilience, stress management and relationship. “There is no better time to build a relationship with a child than right now. We are helping to provide the strategies to form healthy relationships — relationships that are not built on the fear of COVID, but on being attuned to how the child is feeling and doing,” notes Gaudet. “This is one of the silver linings of the current situation.”