Baby on board

Frustratingly for regular users of public transit, children exist. Equally frustratingly for parents of young children who use public transit, other passengers exist.

Worse still, both groups continue to insist on using buses, subways and streetcars at the same time – not only during the relative lull of midday or the weekend, but smack dab in the middle of rush hour.

And while these two groups of transit riders may look relatively calm and serene on the outside, the truth is that they are locked in a bitter, unending cold war – a war for seats, a war for silence, a war to move past a giant, SUV-sized stroller inexplicably locked in place right at the front of the bus where you have to get on.

I am a grizzled veteran of this war, one who has fought on both sides. However, today I come to you with a peace plan, or at least some basic guidelines for both parents and nonparents alike to help make already awful transit experiences a little less so. your eyes in order to get one. Also, if you can avoid the priority seating, absolutely do not sit there – unless you want to see what happens when you force small, non-comprehending children to get up for the elderly. If you want to avoid interacting with families altogether your best bet is to immediately move as far down the bus as possible. Unfortunately, there is no good place to hide on subways.

Also, don’t be offended if some parents/kids refuse to take up your offer of a lone seat. Many kids are unsocialized monsters who don’t understand that this is a very generous offer, and will insist on sitting only if they can be beside their parents or siblings.