National Post (National Edition)
WHEN THE GOVERNMENT EDITS WIKIPEDIA.
SOMEONE ON A PARLIAMENT HILL COMPUTER ALTERED THE PAGE OF ONTARIO LIBERAL MP KIM RUDD TO READ THAT SHE WAS A ‘FORMER BEAUTY QUEEN.’ THIS IS A WEIRD ONE; THERE DOESN’T SEEM TO BE ANY EVIDENCE ONLINE OF RUDD HAVING A BEAUTY QUEEN PAST.
Every time someone makes an edit to Wikipedia from a Government of Canada office, it shows up on @gcaedits, an automated Twitter account programmed with the IP addresses of 29 federal departments and agencies. Tristan Hopper examined a full year of government Wikipedia edits, and uncovered an eerie world of vanity, insecurity, silliness and stunning feats of pedantry. Here are some of the highlights:
A GOVERNMENT TECHIE IS SPENDING A BREATHTAKING AMOUNT OF TIME UPDATING CURLING STATISTICS
Shared Services is the IT branch of the Canadian federal government. And recently, someone in their office has spent a daunting amount of time making finicky edits to pages about curling briers. The quantity is truly staggering; throughout March this one unknown Shared Services worker accounted for more than threequarters of all Wikipedia edits made from any federal government IP address. In one particularly notable editing marathon on March 17, this person seems to have spent as much as four hours on curling fandom.
NIKI ASHTON MAY NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT HER MARRIAGE
The Manitoba MP announced on March 7 that she was running for the leadership of the federal NDP. The night before the announcement, someone used a Parliament Hill computer to delete all mention of Ashton’s 2011 wedding in Alexandroupoli, Greece. The edit didn’t stick, however, and as of this writing was restored to the page.
THE CANADIAN ARMED FORCES EAT “DINNER,” NOT “LUNCH”
As one might expect, Canada’s Department of National Defence usually edits Wikipedia to make incredibly pedantic corrections. Someone in the military, for instance, took the time to replace every mention of “Russian” with “Soviet” in the Wikipedia article about the 1972 Summit Series. And in an article about basic training, it was made very clear that Canadian Forces members eat “dinner and supper,” not “lunch and dinner.”
A DEPARTMENT OF NATIONAL DEFENCE INSTRUCTOR REALLY, REALLY WANTS YOU TO READ HIS FANTASY NOVEL
In February, a military staffer endeavoured to get an obscure fantasy novel mentioned in as many corners of Wikipedia as they could. Damastor is set during the ravages of the Black Plague, and was inserted into Wikipedia lists for “Indie literature,” “List of fantasy novels” and the disambiguation pages for “Fallen Angel,” “Evil Angel” and “Medieval Fantasy.” The editor also appears to have taken a snipe at a certain British publishing house known for being unfriendly to fantasy writers. Damastor was written by Dimitri Iatrou, which just happens to also be the name of an instructor at the military’s International Language Institute.
THE INTERIM LEADER OF THE BLOC QUÉBÉCOIS HAS “ALWAYS” LIKED SEPARATISM
Rhéal Fortin stepped down as the Bloc Québécois’ interim leader on March 18. But just before he did, someone updated his Wikipedia biography from a Parliament Hill IP address. While the page had previously stated that Fortin had supported Quebec sovereignty since “adolescence,” this was changed to read that he had supported it since “always.”
THE MILITARY IS PROUD OF ITS TULIPS
In the “history” section of the page for Royal Military College Saint-Jean, a number of the college’s proudest milestones are noted, including when it was authorized to grant doctorate degrees, and when the college’s honour guard were present during Pope John Paul II’s 1984 visit to Canada. On March 9, a DND computer was used to note that 2015 had witnessed the planting of the college’s Dutch Canadian Friendship Tulip Garden.
SOMEONE ON PARLIAMENT HILL TRIED TO MAKE NICOLA DI IORIO LOOK JUST A BIT WORSE FOR THAT “STRIPPER” THING
Liberal MP Nicola di Iorio, of course, is currently in trouble for saying “where’s your pole to slide down on?” after he heard the apparently techno-ey ringtone of Conservative MP Dianne Watts’ phone. In a series of March 24 edits, someone on Parliament Hill rejigged di Lorio’s Wikipedia bio to claim that di Lorio didn’t apologize, but was “attempting to apologize.” They also wrote that the incident was “kept quiet” until reported on by the National Post and noted that the whole thing took place on “International Women’s Day.”
THE NAVY ASKS THAT YOU GET YOUR SAILOR-KISSING FACTS STRAIGHT
The Wikipedia page for Fermeuse, N.L., notes that it is the hometown of Master Cpl. Brent Kenny, most famous for taking a 2016 photo of a returning Canadian sailor kissing his samesex partner. The page used to claim that the photo was the world’s first of a “same sex kiss of a service member in uniform.” But someone in the Department of National Defence corrected that: It was the first male same-sex uniformed kiss.
ENVIRONMENT AND CLIMATE CHANGE CANADA THINKS DAVID SUZUKI IS A “DOCTOR OF GEESE”
Last July, a presumably bored employee of Environment and Climate Change Canada decided to record which honorary doctorate David Suzuki had been given by the University of Waterloo. They first wrote that he had merited a “Doctor of Geese,” then a “Doctor of Doctors” and then finally settled on “All of them.”
SOMEONE ON THE HILL TRIED TO CLAIM THAT LIBERAL MP KIM RUDD IS A “FORMER BEAUTY QUEEN”
In a bizarre January edit, someone on a Parliament Hill computer altered the page of Ontario Liberal MP Kim Rudd to read that she was a “former beauty queen.” This is a weird one; there doesn’t seem to be any evidence online of Rudd having a beauty queen past, and the assertion has since disappeared from the page.
A SARAH PALIN FAN DWELLS IN THE BANK OF CANADA
The Bank of Canada, as a general rule, doesn’t do populism. Canada’s central bank is managed by dour technocrats who enjoy Sudoku and Formula One racing. And yet, the institution seems to contain at least one example of that rarest of Canadians: a faithful viewer of the short-lived Sarah Palin Channel. Well, at the very least they had watched it enough to know that it “was available only by paid subscription” (except for members of the military) and that Palin’s daughter Bristol wasn’t just a blogger for the channel, she was “among the bloggers” for the channel.
PETER KENT APPEARS TO BE VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HIS LEGACY AS ENVIRONMENT MINISTER
A few times in the past year, a Parliament Hill IP address has been used to smooth out Peter Kent’s legacy as the past Conservative environment minister. Kent’s Wikipedia bio was changed to list his accomplishments as “banning the construction of any new coal-fired generating units,” and the blame was subtly placed on “cabinet colleagues” for failing to impose Kent’s goal of greenhouse gas emissions on the oil and gas industry. Meanwhile, the guy who called Kent “Canada’s Worst Environment Minister Ever,” Rick Smith, is dismissed as a “radical, left wing” environmentalist.
SOMEONE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW DIANNE WATTS’ AGE
Last August, someone on Parliament Hill edited the Wikipedia biography of Conservative MP Dianne Watts with the singular goal of removing any reference to her age. There are security reasons for this, of course; knowing a birthdate can be a key piece of information for identity thieves. But the changes did not stick; and other Wikipedia editors have since restored Watts’ birth year as 1959.
OUR MILITARY’S KNOWLEDGE OF COLA AND MALLS IS COMMENDABLE
Edmonton’s Wikipedia page used to claim it was home to Canada’s first mall, until someone from a Department of National Defence computer set them straight (Canada’s first mall was actually in West Vancouver). Someone at a military computer also went to the page for “List of Pepsi variations” to note that Crystal Pepsi was not dead. Rather, the 1990s-era clear-coloured cola “was sold once again in August 2016, and has returned for Christmas.”
THERE’S SOME NOT ENTIRELY LITERATE TRUMP-BASHING
At least twice, Canadian government computers were used for some anti-Donald Trump Wikipedia vandalization. At least, they might be anti-Trump — it’s kind of hard to tell. Just after the U.S. presidential election, someone at the Department of National Defence inserted “(Donald Trump)” randomly into a page of “Self-sustainability.” Then, in March, someone at Shared Services wrote that Trump “is open a Homosexual Transgender.”
SOME MANIAC IN THE MILITARY HAS A VENDETTA AGAINST NORM MACDONALD
On the afternoon of Sept. 25, 2016, someone within the Canadian defence establishment embarked on a lengthy and nonsensical vandalization of comedian Norm Macdonald’s Wikipedia page. They claimed he was “Somalian,” that he had died the month before, and then inserted this particularly unhinged passage, “he voiced many cartoon characters in commercials including that bumble bee from those tuna commercials and the worm from Sesame Street.” Later, to be sure, the editor then substituted “Sesame Street” with “that other show.”