ALBERTANS SPEAK OUT: HOW TO REDUCE RED TAPE

Too much photo radar. Too many shopping carts. Too many safety regulations. And too many government ministries. You name it, someone complained about it in the submissions to the Alberta government’s public consultation on red tape reduction. Shortly after taking power, Jason Kenney’s United Conservative Party went to Albertans with a question: If you were to reduce red tape in the province, what would you eliminate? And, hoo boy, did Albertans respond. Government documents, first obtained by The Globe and Mail, contain hundreds of pages of submissions. The National Post’s Tyler Dawson compiled some of the most interesting ones, from the “old-man-yells-at-cloud” complaints you might expect, to serious ideas about reducing government waste. Let’s dig in, shall we?

THE RIDICULOUS ONES

“Alberta is a dumb name,” reads one submission. A better one, the writer says, would be Edward, after the fourth child of “Queen Bessy” — “Edward being the dumbest of the kids and thence a good name for the dumbest territory.”

Ouch.

“I sell bottled water and the dang guv-mint says I’m not ‘allowed’ to sell bottles full of arsenic. I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS LIVING IN SOVIET RUSSIA!!” reads another submission. “Also, don’t force no commie labelling rules on me.”

This one may have a point, but it’s hardly a top priority: “To launch fireworks on your own rural property requires filling out too much paperwork.”

At least one person objected to school zones: “Aren’t they in school all day? Why are we slow down business when they are safe in classrooms?”

Now the government might be feeling a bit down about the mockery some have made of this consultation process.

Here’s a suggestion to improve morale: Allow for daily beatings until the mood improves.

One submission describes a real morale problem at a business, and laments that “apparently I am not allowed to whip people to improve their attitude.”

THE SERIOUS ONES

Here’s one that everyone can identify with: why are government offices open when everyone is at work and closed when everyone is off work?

“When you work during the day and cannot make personal calls at work it is nearly impossible to call a government office,” reads a submission calling for evening hours.

A contentious policy of the United Conservatives has been a two-tier minimum wage: $13 per hour for those under 18 and $15 for those over 18.

Several people took issue with this, saying it created a burden on employers to have to track employee wages at different rates.

Others noted that if minimum wage is meant to be a living wage, that’s what politicians should make.

“If it is a living wage I feel it should be sufficient for the governing body to comfortably live off of.”

Another submission lamented student loan applications that require paper: “Why do I have to print and mail Alberta student loan documents when the Canada student loan documents are online.”

Numerous suggestions involved reforming the AISH — Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped — system, saying it’s complicated, onerous and time consuming.

“My friend had to go through hell on earth to get access to AISH,” says one, which suggested a guaranteed basic income would be better.

THE COMPLAINERS

It likely comes as no surprise that a seemingly endless number of people used this process as an outlet to complain, not about red tape, but just random stuff.

Many people wrote in to complain about supervised-consumption sites, where people inject drugs under the supervision of medical experts.

Another charged that two years after filing a human right complaint, “I still haven’t heard anything from them.”

Ah, medical complaints — everyone has one, right?

“My prescription insurance company will only fill my prescriptions for 90 days making me see the doctor to get a refill,” reads one.

Another says a “triage nurse is a pointless step in my getting to see a doctor.”

MY CAT REALLY LOVES PLAYING WITH RED TAPE.

THE ONES THAT AREN’T PROVINCIAL

Many people don’t actually know what level of government does what. This hamstrings what could otherwise be considered serious suggestions.

One writer, who identifies as an escort, says buying and selling sex should be legalized. That may be the case, but that’s a federal responsibility.

Ditto for the suggestion that there should be “stiffer laws against criminals” and the complaints about gun control.

THE BLOWBACK

The government probably saw these ones coming.

“Dissolve the entire ministry of red tape reduction, or whatever stupid name it has. That would reduce the budget by the entire budget of the useless ministry.”

Kenney himself is a regular target: “The problem is that Jason Kenney is travelling the county campaigning for the federal conservatives on Alberta taxpayer dollars.”

IN CONCLUSION?

At the end of the day, at least one person is thinking proactively.

“I just have a question about the red tape my cat really loves playing with red tape, so once it’s cut can I have it? I’ll take it all thanks have a good day. Thanks, Cathy.”

No, thank you, Cathy.