Casual counts, too

Friendship exists on many levels. Throughout the pandemic you've probably kept in regular contact with your best friends, the handful you can count on. You've probably also stayed in sporadic contact with around a dozen more, close but not best friends. No doubt you also maintained connections with the many acquaintances you've seen and/or “met” online.

These friendship circles fit well with Oxford anthropologist Robin Dunbar's notion of social connectivity. Dunbar studied social circles in human societies across the world and throughout history and found remarkable consistencies.

Most people have around five best friends, and a sympathy/confidence group of around 15 (this includes those five best friends).

Then there are around 50 in the next circle, people you know by name, encounter reasonably regularly and may socialize with.

The next layer, around 150, are those you meet as you go about your daily activities. You feel comfortable in their company. You may even exchange small talk, but you wouldn't regard them as friends. Since the explosion of social media, Dunbar has added two larger circles that include the 150, one of around 500 and the larger of 1,500. These are people you recognize, but may never speak to directly.

This past year has been strange in so many ways, not least in terms of social connectivity. Instead of investing time nurturing relationships in a uniform way (giving most to closest friends, then less as your circles widen), unprecedented circumstances mean one level of your social circle has been missing almost entirely. These are the 150 or so individuals on the periphery of your life, the people Stanford sociologist Mark Granovetter refers to as “weak ties.” That loss helps explain why so many of us are feeling strangely disconnected.

Weak ties bolster your sense of identity and allow you to feel a sense of meaning and belonging.

For example, taking the same transit and encountering other regular commuters reinforces your identity as a contributing member of society.

Meeting the same people in the gym or on your daily jog bolsters your motivation to keep fit. Seeing familiar faces at the school gates reminds you you're not alone as a parent.

Weak ties provide you with an opportunity to reinforce your social skills through greetings and small talk. And they invite you to consider other ways of going about whatever activity you're sharing.

We need weak ties, just as much as we need close friends. Despite continuing restrictions, how can you bring this neglected social group back into your life?

When you go out for exercise or necessities, try to do so at the same time of day.

Notice those around you and greet them warmly.

And if you know how to contact any of your casual acquaintances, do so. Ask how they are. Both of these tactics will increase your sense of belonging and identity, and will help others to feel valued.