WORRY WELL

ARE YOU STUCK IN A CYCLE OF ANXIETY? THERE ARE WAYS YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD

When I think about worry, I think of the most anxiety-provoking time of my life. It was 2008, and I was pregnant with my first child. At my ultrasound checkup, my husband and I learned that our son would be born with a congenital heart condition. This condition is fatal if not corrected through open-heart surgery within months of birth.

For the remainder of my pregnancy, I was worried constantly: How can we get him the best care? How will this affect his life? Will he be OK?

Worry is the thinking part of anxiety, directing us to figure out why we're anxious and what to do about it.

Worry is a form of problem-solving, where we use “whatif” simulations to picture worst and best outcomes to find solutions. In that sense, worry is an attempt to control the future.

Worry can make anxiety worse, especially when combined with meta-worry — worrying that worry will do us harm.

In people with anxiety disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, or GAD, meta-worry often drives the cycle of anxiety. In an attempt to feel more in control and less emotional pain, they worry persistently. Yet, this amplifies anxiety and feels so out of control that it causes people to worry more.

One would think this means we should squelch worry as soon as possible.

Yet, that's the wrong thing to do. Suppressing thoughts and feelings paradoxically increases anxiety while reinforcing the belief that worries are uncontrollable, and blocking us from figuring out other ways of coping.

I discovered this with my son's heart condition.

My worries were constant and exhausting, but shunting them aside didn't work.

So every time I worried, I went into action mode: I read papers published on the condition, I asked our nurses and doctors questions, and I imagined best- and worst-case scenarios so I could plan each detail of my son's care. Worry didn't only prime me to prepare. It helped me survive emotionally because I never stopped believing that if I planned and worked hard enough, our son would thrive — even though I also knew that total control over the future is an illusion. Our son is now 14 years old, and there are no restrictions on what he can do.

Worry is a human condition and can become a serious problem. Try these steps, in order, to worry well and eventually worry less:

1

Locate worry in your body

Worry keeps you in your head rather than feeling emotions in your body. So, when you find yourself worrying, pause and refocus attention on your sensations. Look for the usual signs — heart beating faster; weakness; warmth; stiffness; a dry, constricted throat; rapid breathing; or butterflies in the stomach. Explore them. Maybe move your body to see if that changes how you feel. Practice riding the wave of your feelings.

2

Make worry concrete and contained

Next, tune into your worried thoughts. Treat yourself like a friend who needs you to lend an ear. If you have a jumble of thoughts, what's the one that rises to the surface? You can also schedule worry time: Pick a specific period of time to worry (for example, 15 minutes). Write down all the worries that pop into your head and describe them clearly and concretely. Consider the negative outcomes, as well as the positive possibilities. Only worry during worry time. It might surprise you to find that during worry time, you become bored of worrying and stop early.

3

Problem solve

Worries are diminished by plans and actions. So, once you identify a worry, problem solve in steps.

❚ Brainstorm solutions that are in your control.

❚ Evaluate their pros and cons.

❚ Take time to think through your ideas.

❚ Make a solid plan to try out one or more of these solutions. The more details you write down the better.

❚ Start with small, doable steps. If you keep your plan vague or over-ambitious, you'll be less likely to achieve it.

❚ Try the solution and evaluate how it worked.

❚ Consider whether adjustments and additional problem solving is needed.

4

Let go of worries

Worries send us into the future, and once we've visited there, it's time to let go and return to the present. There are many ways to do so: exercise; take a long walk; write in your journal; paint a picture; or speak with a friend or counsellor. Social support — speaking with someone you trust to help you put your worries into words — is one of the best ways to let go. When we practice taking these steps in order, we will find that worry can be a call to action, and when we act, it graciously steps aside and tells us “job well done!”

GETTY IMAGES / ISTOCKPHOTO When feelings of worry strike, you might be compelled to squelch them immediately. But dealing with them calmly and methodically has been proven to be far more productive.