NICHE Magazne - - Romantic Fantasy - by An­gela Thurston

For many years, I de­ceived my­self into think­ing that the loss of my sex­ual ap­petite was only af­fect­ing the sta­tus of my mar­i­tal bliss. Other than sav­ing my mar­riage, it re­ally didn't mat­ter that I didn't ever want or de­sire sex. I could not have been more wrong. We live in a cul­ture in which ex­plor­ing our men­tal, phys­i­cal, emo­tional and spir­i­tual na­tures is fairly main­stream and ac­cept­able. Yet, there is still much shame and dis­re­gard shroud­ing our sex­ual na­tures. This is very ev­i­dent to me, as a re­sult of my own per­sonal jour­ney, and be­cause when sex and It wasn't un­til many years into the jour­ney of res­ur­rect­ing my mar­riage that I re­al­ized that not only was my lack of sex­ual in­ter­est af­fect­ing this sa­cred union, it was af­fect­ing my health, my re­la­tion­ships and my over­all well-be­ing. This wasn't about part­ner sex and sav­ing my mar­riage at all — this was about me, sav­ing my­self.

Most of us are not taught that plea­sure is our birthright. The im­por­tance of women's sex­u­al­ity has been di­min­ished by church and state over many thou­sands of years. Through the gen­er­a­tions, we have been de­liv­ered a dis­torted, im­bal­anced, cor­rupt ver­sion of our bod­ies, of love and of our sex­u­al­ity. It is a sys­temic, in­sid­i­ous prob­lem. mas­tur­ba­tion be­come the topic of con­ver­sa­tion — which is bound to hap­pen when con­vers­ing with me — peo­ple are ei­ther cap­ti­vated, in­trigued, hun­gry for more or they be­come un­com­fort­able, em­bar­rassed and the walls of sep­a­ra­tion in­stan­ta­neously ap­pear.

The ma­jor­ity of women are not tap­ping into this pow­er­ful, nat­u­ral re­source that re­sides within our bod­ies. Most of us don't even con­sider fac­tor­ing in sex­ual plea­sure to the equa­tion of our health, our well-be­ing or our per­sonal growth regimes.

We seek out and pay huge sums of money on coaches, ther­a­pists, al­ter­na­tive prac­ti­tion­ers, fit­ness classes, on­line pro­grams, mind­set train­ers, and on, and on

the list goes — and at the end of it all we still won­der why we are not joy­ful, ful­filled or ex­u­ber­antly ra­di­ant. The rea­son for this is sim­ple. We are not ex­pe­ri­enc­ing and deeply feel­ing the sen­sual ef­fects of soul riv­et­ing plea­sure.

The dis­as­so­ci­a­tion and dis­com­fort we have with our de­li­ciously sex­ual bod­ies con­trib­utes to the sup­pres­sion of our be­com­ing fully em­bod­ied, pow­er­ful women.

This is why it is im­per­a­tive for us to in­clude sex­u­al­ity into our model of self-love and care. It is the pow­er­house that fu­els the whole struc­ture and or­ga­ni­za­tion of who we are. It is the sun of our so­lar sys­tem.

When we hang out on the pe­riph­ery — only vis­it­ing our emo­tional, phys­i­cal, men­tal and spir­i­tual selves — we are miss­ing out on the in­ter­nal force that feeds and con­nects the en­tirety of our be­ings. The mag­ni­tude of juice, en­ergy and power of which we have the po­ten­tial to gen­er­ate — with our sex­ual plea­sure — has a di­rect cor­re­la­tion with the ways in which we nour­ish our re­la­tion­ships, fi­nances, ca­reers, health, and cre­ative en­deav­ours.

In or­der to cease the strug­gle, we need to con­sciously bring aware­ness, in­ten­tion and re­la­tion­ship to the phys­i­cal and en­er­getic fe­cun­dity of our sex­u­al­ity. And it all be­gins with our sex­ual re­la­tion­ship with our­selves. It is the foun­da­tion.

When we en­gage in the sa­cred rit­ual of self plea­sur­ing and or­gasm we re­lease dopamine, opi­oids/en­dor­phins and oxy­tocin; we dis­solve phys­i­cal ten­sion and stress; we strengthen our mus­cu­lar sys­tem, which in turn sup­ports our or­gans; we ex­pe­ri­ence deep, in­ti­mate as­pects of self-love; and we learn how to com­mune, jour­ney and co-cre­ate with spirit.

When I emerged on the other side of my psy­cho­log­i­cal ex­ca­va­tion of ex­plor­ing why I no longer wanted to have sex, and I stripped away all that I had been taught and had ex­pe­ri­enced about my body and my sex­u­al­ity, I be­gan to cre­ate my own re­al­ity — based on how I ac­tu­ally de­sired to feel about it.

How do you de­sire to feel about your sex­u­al­ity?

When we ex­plore our sex­ual na­tures, en­gage the power of plea­sure and dis­cover what truly turns us on, it re­sults in gen­uine con­fi­dence, keen in­sight, cap­ti­vat­ing pres­ence and the abil­ity to cre­ate and sus­tain the lives that we en­vi­sion for our­selves.

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