LET’S TALK DI­VORCE

North Toronto Post - - Ask The Expert - CON­TACT Diane Hors­man Bold Con­sult­ing 247 Daven­port Road, Suite 201, Toronto | |

With the di­vorce rate close to 50%, al­most ev­ery­one has heard of some­one get­ting sep­a­rated. While it seems to be the new norm in the last decade, for the most part, the fam­ily law process, struc­ture and prin­ci­ples have not changed in over thirty years. This pre-dates cell phones, bank ma­chines and email. Rather shock­ing to say the least.

Let’s start with this - di­vorce is not a one size fits all ap­proach. It is unique to each in­di­vid­ual, to their dy­namic, fam­ily struc­ture and com­mu­ni­ca­tion style. How a col­league, friend or fam­ily mem­ber re­solved their agree­ment does not nec­es­sar­ily ap­ply to an­other. This is where the con­flict and con­fu­sion can set in. Then the fear. And fi­nally, the feel­ing of be­ing frozen and not sure what to do next.

So how does one nav­i­gate a sys­tem that is not only rigid and cum­ber­some but com­pli­cated to un­der­stand? Frankly, up to now, not very eas­ily and it has cost many peo­ple a lot of money try­ing to fig­ure it out. The good news is, there are fast be­com­ing op­tions to as­sist in these un­known wa­ters.

Here is one op­tion to con­sider, what if both par­ties knew the same in­for­ma­tion at the same time? In other words, learn to­gether with a pro­fes­sional how they may start to re­solve their is­sues such as par­ent­ing ar­range­ments, sup­port obli­ga­tions and di­vid­ing as­sets and li­a­bil­i­ties. This can sta­bi­lize con­flict when both par­ties know what is to come and how things may take shape mov­ing for­ward.

This process is com­monly known as Mediation which is an ef­fi­cient and cost ef­fec­tive process al­low­ing in­di­vid­u­als to voice their in­ter­ests, goals and con­cerns to­gether with a neu­tral third party. The Me­di­a­tor will fos­ter an in­ter­est-based dis­cus­sion and en­sure each party’s thoughts are heard while skill­fully nar­row­ing the is­sues and guid­ing the cou­ple to­wards res­o­lu­tion.

Di­vorce is fright­en­ing and dev­as­tat­ing to many. It is im­por­tant to know that there are op­tions to con­sider that can ease the emo­tions. If the right process is cho­sen for each unique cir­cum­stance, the re­sult will be a far more sta­ble, cost ef­fec­tive and ef­fi­cient res­o­lu­tion.

Diane Hors­man BIO Diane Hors­man, Con­sul­tant and Founder of Bold Con­sult­ing, is a sin­gle mother of two teenagers. She is a trained Me­di­a­tor and ob­tained her Al­ter­na­tive Dis­pute Res­o­lu­tion cer­tifi­cate from York Univer­sity. Diane spe­cial­izes in, but is not lim­ited to, Sep­a­ra­tions with con­flict and is com­mit­ted to help­ing cou­ples and in­di­vid­u­als feel em­pow­ered and con­fi­dent through the chal­leng­ing Di­vorce process.

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