Pre­par­ing for up­com­ing anal in Ger­many

NOW Magazine - - SAVAGE LOVE -

I’m a mostly straIght guy In my 40s

and I’m mar­ried to a woman. I don’t know if it’s a midlife cri­sis or what, but I’ve de­cided that I want to get fucked in the ass once in my life. I will be vis­it­ing Ham­burg soon, and it’s my un­der­stand­ing that sex work is le­gal in Ger­many. I want your help sort­ing out the le­gal, eth­i­cal and prac­ti­cal is­sues. 1. Le­gal is­sue. Pay­ing for sex in Ger­many is le­gal, right? But even if sex work is le­gal, that doesn’t mean ev­ery sex worker is do­ing it vol­un­tar­ily. I pre­fer peo­ple closer to my own age, and I imag­ine a 40-year-old sex worker is less likely to be ex­ploited, right? What else can I do to en­sure that I’m not with a traf­ficked in­di­vid­ual? 2. Eth­i­cal is­sue. Af­ter many years and many near-divorce sit­u­a­tions, my wife and I have adopted a more tol­er­ant (or more ap­a­thetic) pos­ture to­ward each other. She has on sev­eral oc­ca­sions told me that she doesn’t care who I fuck. While I haven’t acted on it, she has said it of­ten enough that I be­lieve her. We’ve talked about an open re­la­tion­ship, but she wasn’t en­thu­si­as­tic. My best guess is that she doesn’t want to know if I do any­thing “gay,” while also not want­ing me to form any emo­tional at­tach­ments. Do I ask her again if she re­ally doesn’t care who I fuck? Or do her pre­vi­ous state­ments suf­fice? 3. Prac­ti­cal is­sues. Is a con­dom enough pro­tec­tion? How do I avoid things like her­pes and crabs? Other than emp­ty­ing ye olde bow­els, what other steps should I take be­fore ask­ing a male Ger­man es­cort to fuck me in the ass? And how do I ask? Google Trans­late sug­gests “Fick mich in den Arsch,” which is an un­ap­peal­ing thing to say. Maybe there’s some­thing sex­ier? Le­gal, Eth­i­cal And Prac­ti­cal 1. Sex work is, in­deed, le­gal in Ger­many. You can min­i­mize your chances of hir­ing some­one who may not be do­ing sex work of their own free will by avoid­ing agen­cies and find­ing your­self an in­de­pen­dent es­cort. But see­ing as how you’re look­ing to hire a male in his 40s, LEAP, your odds of hir­ing some­one do­ing sex work un­der duress are very, very low. 2. The wife who lov­ingly and ap­a­thet­i­cally tol­er­ates your soon-to-be-fucked ass has al­ready told you – and told you more than once –that she doesn’t care who you fuck. She also doesn’t want to know if you fuck some­one else. Ask­ing if she meant it im­me­di­ately be­fore fly­ing off to Ham­burg – dou­ble-check­ing to make sure she re­ally doesn’t care who you fuck – would ba­si­cally mean telling her you know you’re go­ing to fuck some­one else in Ham­burg (and fuck them all “gay” and shit), and she’s al­ready told you she doesn’t want to know. Tak­ing her at her word, i.e., al­low­ing her pre­vi­ous state­ments to suf­fice, is the right thing to do. 3. A con­dom of­fers highly ef­fec­tive pro­tec­tion from HIV, gon­or­rhea, syphilis and chlamy­dia. For added pro­tec­tion, LEAP, ask your doc­tor about get­ting on PrEP, aka Tru­vada, be­fore your trip. It’s a daily pill that, once built up to full strength (roughly a week), pro­vides highly ef­fec­tive pro­tec­tion against HIV in­fec­tion. While con­doms do pro­vide some pro­tec­tion against her­pes, nei­ther con­doms nor PrEP will save you from crabs. To make sure your one­and-only ass fuck­ing goes well, empty ye olde bow­els and then douche ye olde rec­tum. Since most Ger­man es­corts, like most Ger­man ev­ery­bod­ies, speak English, LEAP, there is no need for an English-to-Ger­man dic­tio­nary. Just say, “Fuck my ass, please.”

On the Love­cast, the At­lantic’s Kate Ju­lian on why the kids aren’t hav­ing sex: sav­agelove­

[email protected]­ @fakedansav­age on Twit­ter

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