NOW Magazine - - CONTENTS - By Dan Sav­age

My butt sends the wrong sig­nal I’m a kInky sIn­gle woman who keeps

at­tract­ing the wrong men for me – specif­i­cally, sub­mis­sive guys into face-sit­ting. I’m sub­mis­sive my­self, and face-sit­ting is not a turn-on for me. But the vast ma­jor­ity of men who hit on me have this fetish. I think it’s a size-re­lated is­sue – a my-siz­ere­lated is­sue. I’m a full-fig­ured/curvy woman with a big butt. Granted, it’s a fab­u­lous butt, but my butt sends the wrong sig­nals, ap­par­ently. I’ve tried sev­eral times to word my FetLife and other dat­ing pro­files so that I’ll at­tract dom­i­nant men, but the mes­sages from sub­mis­sive wannabe face-sit­tees pour in. Dat­ing when you’re not thin is hard enough. Help, please. Baby Got Back You’ve worded your dat­ing pro­files to at­tract Doms, BGB, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve worded your pro­files to re­pel – and crush the hopes of – sub­mis­sive wannabe face-sit­tees. Let’s fix that: “I get a lot of mes­sages from sub­mis­sive guys into face-sit­ting. I’ve got a great butt, I re­al­ize, but I’m a sub, I’m not into face-sit­ting, and I only want to hear from Dom guys.” Some sub­mis­sive guys will mes­sage you any­way – guys who will be let­ting you know they have a hard time tak­ing no for an an­swer, BGB, so not guys you’d ever want to meet up with IRL. Delete their mes­sages and block their pro­files.

Bad vi­bra­tions whIle hav­Ing sex one nIght wIth my

girl­friend, I pulled out a vi­bra­tor for the first time. She asked whether I (a guy) had used it with a pre­vi­ous part­ner (an­other woman). I con­ceded that I had. She re­fused to let me use it on her on the grounds that it had al­ready been in­side some­one else. I pointed out that since I am not a vir­gin, her ob­jec­tion did not seem prin­ci­pled: my pe­nis has been in some­one else and she lets me put that in her. Nev­er­the­less, she re­mained adamant. Do you think she was be­ing rea­son­able?

Very In­ter­ested Boyfriend En­quires I do not, VIBE, but since you don’t want to stick your old vi­bra­tor in me – pre­sum­ably – what I think is ir­rel­e­vant. When it comes to who gets to stick what in our bod­ies, we’re al­lowed to be ar­bi­trary, in­con­sis­tent, capri­cious and even il­log­i­cal. That’s why “But my dick has been in other women and you let me stick that in you!” isn’t quite the slam-dunk ar­gu­ment you think it is. So toss that old vi­bra­tor and get your­self a new one – but save the pack­ag­ing so you can pass it off as new with your next girl­friend.

I watched my cousin’s sex video my cousIn was a vIc­tIm of re­venge

porn. A bit­ter ex-boyfriend of his sent sev­eral videos they’d made to every­one on my cousin’s con­tact list, in­clud­ing me. I’m a straight woman who prefers gay male porn, and my cousin and his ex are beau­ti­ful men – they’re both dancers – and I couldn’t help my­self: I watched the videos, more than once, be­fore delet­ing them. So how bad a per­son am I?

Sick And Wrong You’re a bet­ter per­son than the ass­hole ex who sent those videos to every­one your poor cousin knows, SAW, but a worse per­son than those who deleted the videos without wank­ing over them first.

Je­sus saved me from a Sav­age life your lIfe Is a mon­strous af­front to

God, and your life’s work, your ridicu­lous “ad­vice” col­umn, en­cour­ages peo­ple to act on their worst im­pulses. Ad­vice col­umn? Take the “D” away! You write A VICE col­umn! I was in­volved in the gay life once, Mr. Sav­age, but the love of Je­sus de­liv­ered me from ho­mo­sex­ual sin. Em­brace Christ, and you too can be de­liv­ered. I pray for you ev­ery day. Some­one has to.

Christ Even Saves Sav­ages P.S. I have read what you’ve writ­ten about your mother, who you claim to have loved. Your mother died rel­a­tively young. I’m not sug­gest­ing God pun­ished you by cut­ting your mother’s life short. No, your mother died of shame. You pray for me, CESS, and I’ll gay for you – be­cause all the de­li­cious dicks you left be­hind when Je­sus rap­tured you out of ho­mo­sex­ual sin aren’t gonna suck them­selves, are they? P.S. “Je­sus is love,” my Catholic mother liked to say. If she was right, CESS, he surely finds the things go­ing into my mouth less of­fen­sive than the shit com­ing out of yours.

Don’t com­pro­mise for your kink I’ve been toy­Ing wIth the Idea of

hav­ing a sub pro­vide do­mes­tic ser­vices, but all the po­ten­tial subs I’ve met with haven’t seemed like a good fit for var­i­ous rea­sons. Last night I had a first meet­ing with a man who is a good fit on pa­per but who turned out to be an ob­nox­ious ass­hole in per­son – a misog­y­nis­tic, mansplain­ing frat-boy type. Can some­one be too much of a dick for you to let them do your laun­dry? Sub Is Sub­hu­man If you wouldn’t be in a vanilla re­la­tion­ship with some­one, SIS, why would you want to be in a D/s re­la­tion­ship with them?

Should I try Big/lit­tle play? I’ve been In a les­bIan re­la­tIon­shIp for

about two years. Re­cently I was lis­ten­ing to your pod­cast, and you were talk­ing about the Big/lit­tle kink. I re­mem­ber think­ing my girl­friend could be into that. To­day, my girl­friend texted this to me: “I want you to hold me like a child, rock me to sleep and tuck me in and kiss my fore­head.” I al­most asked her right then if she was into Big/lit­tle play, but then I re­al­ized that I’m not sure what I would do if she said yes. If she came to me and said, “Hey, I’m into this stuff!” I would con­sider it. But I am not into this stuff – not in­de­pen­dently – or at least I don’t think so. My ques­tion is this: If you sus­pect your part­ner is into some­thing that you’re not into, should you leave it alone? I feel like maybe the GGG thing to do is to ask her and of­fer to ex­plore it if she says yes.

Wanna Be GGG Are you sure you’re not cu­ri­ous about Big/lit­tle play, aka age play? Be­cause it sounds like you might be. If you are, don’t project your in­ter­ests/kinks onto your girl­friend. Just ask her if she might be in­ter­ested. If you aren’t into Big/lit­tle play but think she might be, the same ad­vice ap­plies: Just ask her.

Will he leave her? my boyfrIend of three years has not

left his wife for me, even though he says he will some­day. He doesn’t want to hurt her. He feels a duty to her. But he loves me more and swears he will leave her some­day. In the mean­time, we carve out half an hour a week for sex and it’s su­per hot. Two ques­tions (and please an­swer hon­estly): He’s not go­ing to leave her, is he? And I’m a cliché, aren’t I? Don’t Un­der­stand Men No, he isn’t. And yes, you are. DTMFA.

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