Ottawa Citizen

It’s, like, Top Model, what do you expect?

FINE TUNING • TODAY ON TV

- BY ALEX STRACHAN

Here’s what you’ve missed so far on America’s Next Top Model if, say, you’ve been watching playoff baseball or Dancing with the Stars instead.

Megg had issues pulling off “ the Bearded Lady” in a circus freak photo shoot.

Eugena had issues with the identical twins Michelle and Amanda for being, well, like, identical.

Michelle had issues with revealing her sexuality.

Amanda had issues with everyone wanting to know about Michelle. A. J. had issues with Melrose. Melrose had issues with being called “ Mel- stank” and “ Smell- rose” behind her back. What, you were expecting Masterpiec­e Theatre? It’s Top Model.

Anchal and Jaeda had issues with a faux interview challenge in which they were asked to make like Joan Rivers for a day. File that last one under cruel and inhuman punishment, like nearly everything about Top Model.

Worse, the interview subject turned out to be Janice Dickinson, which is a little like asking Paris Hilton to interview Pakistani president Pervez Musharraf. In the end last week, A. J. learned she was no longer welcome at Melrose place, not even after posing as both Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony in a faux celebrity photo shoot. She was sent home by the judges — before her time, friends who follow Top Model assure me.

Michelle, by the way, was asked to pose as both Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi, which seems just wrong. And making Melrose vamp like both Donald and Melania Trump — that was either wrong or inspired. Take your pick.

This week, the remaining Model wannabes feign surprise when host Tyra Banks grabs her camera for an on- the- spot photo shoot. Then it’s a session with burlesque icon and fetish mistress Dita Von Teese, who tells the models to get in touch with “ their sexy side.” This is followed by a romancenov­el cover shoot with Fabio, which sounds less stressful than asking Janice Dickinson about her ideas on world peace.

Of course, if you have issues with Top Model, there’s always the fifth estate. ( 8 p. m., Citytv, The CW)

• the fifth estate’s Gillian Findlay asks a truly scary question — what if you won the lottery and never found out about it? — then lays bare the inner workings of today’s big- money lottery schemes.

The sad sack at the centre of this sorry tale is a 78- year- old Ontario man who bought a ticket in 2001 that later turned out to be worth $ 250,000. Trouble is, he was cheated out of his prize by the unscrupulo­us corner- store owners who sold him the ticket. He sued the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Commission, and eventually settled out of court — after three long years.

It sounds like an isolated incident, but the fifth estate suggests it happens all the time, all over North America. The newsmagazi­ne used the Freedom of Informatio­n Act to glean statistics about how often store clerks and retailers win at the lottery in Ontario. The results, to use a favourite CBC cliché, may surprise you. ( 9 p. m., CBC)

• It’s back to the

Planet of the Apes scenario on Lost, as the action shifts back to the Others and Kate, Jack and Sawyer in their human slave pens.

At least one of Lost’s original performers suggested in a recent interview — “ complain” would be too strong a word — that the formerly buzzworthy ensemble drama has been taking on too many new characters of late, with the result that the characters viewers have come to know and ( theoretica­lly) love are given short shrift.

That was certainly true of last week’s outing, which afforded the show’s faithful fans only fitful glimpses of favourites Hurley ( Jorge Garcia), Charlie ( Dominic Monaghan) and Claire ( Emilie de Ravin). With the original group now split into three separate ongoing stories — Sun, Jin and Sayid have their own crisis to deal with — there’s a danger that Lost will come apart at the seams, if it hasn’t already.

With Lost airing its final episode on Nov. 8 before taking a break until Feb. 7 — that’s an awfully long commercial break — now is not the time to tease loyal viewers with bits and pieces. ( 8 p. m. CTV, 9 p. m., ABC)

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