My husband is ‘cheating’ on me

Piers Morgan’s ‘Twitter widow’ tired of all his sharing and missing the ‘now’ moments

Acouple of years ago at an Oscar party, I met Jack Dorsey. The rapper 50 Cent and Cameron Diaz were pushing through the crowds to pay homage to the co-founder of Twitter, but I could only think of one thing to say to him: “If my marriage dies, it’s your fault.” He laughed; I didn’t. I wasn’t joking. Diana, Princess of Wales, had three people in her marriage — I’ve got more than three million. And I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of strangers telling me stories of the Twitter escapades of my husband, CNN host Piers Morgan. I’m tired of the dinner party conversation surrounding those virtual romps (never having used it myself, I’m oblivious to what goes on in the Twittersphere). I’m tired of the pitying glances of other women in restaurants as he sits there, tapping out cricket tweets to English cricket player Kevin Pietersen in between mouthfuls.

I’m tired of watching him miss out on little things like, oh, his daughter’s first step (too busy taunting Alan Sugar about the size of his “follower count”), sunsets (preoccupied, flirting with Cindy Crawford), and birds of paradise (who cares about them when you’re in the midst of a cyberspace caper with English soccer player Wayne Rooney?).

When he walked into the kitchen recently, beaming, to tell me that he was trending worldwide — whatever that means — because “the members of One Direction tweeted ‘Piers Morgan is smelly,’ ” I should have skipped the divorce lawyer and demanded the keys to the house then.

In London, there are many Japanese tourists who walk around the National Gallery with a video camera glued to one eye. That’s what Twitter is. It’s about forsaking the present moment, in all its freshness and its glory, in order to brag about it later. It’s about perceiving anything that is not shared with thousands of people you don’t know as being entirely without value. Saying you’re on Twitter because of the newsfeeds is like saying you read Playboy for the articles.

That’s what Twitter is. It’s about forsaking the present moment, in all its freshness and its glory, in order to brag about it later.

There are plenty of Twitter widows out there. Gary Lineker’s wife, Danielle, allegedly banned the former soccer player from using the site earlier this month, but Lineker’s red card was rescinded on appeal and he was back within a week. However ecstatic Lineker was, he was nowhere as jubilant as my husband, who came running into the room, shouting: “Lineker’s back!”

“That’s great, darling,” I said. “Oh, and your daughter just said ‘Daddy’ for the first time.”