Those guys
Men offend with poster campaign,
An organization called Sexual Assault Voices of Edmonton (SAVE) created a media campaign called Don’t Be THAT Guy which has gone national and is widely recognized. The campaign reminds men that we make choices that have serious consequences, and features posters reminding men of the need to obtain consent for sex, regardless of the situation.
Previously, many sexual assault campaigns engaged in victim blaming, putting the responsibility on women to avoid sexual assault. The SAVE Edmonton campaign “targets potential offenders, ultimately the ones who hold the power and responsibility to end sexual assault” (www.savedmonton.com). The keyword is “potential.” This campaign calls on men to dispel myths around sexual assault and encourages us to act responsibly. It reminds us that we are often taught not to actively seek consent. Consent cannot be given if we are in positions of power, nor if the person is intoxicated.
I love Don’t Be THAT Guy because it shows men we have an important role in preventing sexual assault. The campaign starts with the notion that men are good, and are encouraged not to become “that guy.”
Most men hold as the basic tenet of being a compassionate human being that sexual assault is wrong.
A group called Men’s Rights Edmonton has responded with a parody campaign using the slogan, Don’t Be THAT Girl. I read Don’t Be THAT Girl with a heavy heart. The point of the original campaign was entirely missed. Instead, MRE engages in more victim blaming. Slogans like “Just because you regret a one-night stand, doesn’t mean it wasn’t consensual,” show a complete lack of understanding around the issues of sexual assault.
I am 32 years old, and throughout my life I have worked hard to ensure that each and every time I have had sex, or even encroached on someone’s space on the dance floor, that I actively got consent. If I was single, interested in someone, and found out while getting to know them they were drunk, I gave them my number and suggested we get together another time. It is not just about avoiding becoming a perpetrator; it is about respecting the basic human rights and dignity of another person. There is nothing wrong with having sex or one night stands, if the requirements of the capacity and willingness to enthusiastically consent are met.
Not only does the MRE campaign miss this point, but it’s highly dangerous and misleading.
As a man, I am insulted by the assumption that we would want to have sex with someone knowing that they may regret it. It assumes we are unintelligent, primal beings, unable to control our sexual urges. Although most sexual assaults are committed by men, most men do not commit sexual assault. Most men welcome lessons given by women on how to avoid unknowingly sexually assaulting them.
Most men hold as the basic tenet of being a compassionate human being that sexual assault is wrong. If there is a chance that what you are doing is sexual assault, don’t do it. The lack of empathy displayed by the Don’t Be THAT Girl “campaign” is scary.
By creating misinformed campaigns like the Don’t Be THAT Girl, they are being exactly THAT guy that we teach other men to stand up to as active bystanders. The contempt for women these ads promote shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone seeking consensual relationships.