Can she talk?
Joan Rivers at 80 — still goes where angels fear to tread
There is one particular “f ” word that drives Joan Rivers really batty these days. No, not that one. We are talking the Queen of Mean, after all. The offensive word would be “feisty.” Rivers just turned 80 last month, and the last thing she wants to hear is that she is acting … well, you know.
“And here’s another one I don’t want to hear: ‘forgetful,’ ” she hollers over the phone from her New York apartment.
No worries there. Rivers forgets nothing. Friends, foes, fashion statements, fashion casualties, oneliners.
Joan Rivers leaves no one indifferent.
Yet love her or loathe her, one has to admire her longevity in a business that eats its old — and its women. There are precious few comics, regardless of gender, still alive who have sustained their careers as long as she has.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman. All that matters is that you are funny,” she blurts. “Funny is asexual. Comedy doesn’t age. Comedy doesn’t get grey. If my dog could make people laugh, he’d host a gala at Just for Laughs.”
At 80, the comedian/actress/talkshow host/author/lecturer/fashion commentator/jewelry designer/ cosmetics-company entrepreneur/ grandmother is showing no signs of slowing down.
“Actually, we’re speeding up, going better than ever,” she says. “We have a hit Internet show and hit reality shows going.”
The former would be In Bed with Joan, while the latter would be Fashion Police and Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best. Of course, Joan does. Melissa would be her daughter, but strong-minded as she may be, mommy dearest invariably knows best.
(The situation is a little more tense on the Fashion Police front. The Writers Guild of America East recently voted to have Rivers come before a three-person board to answer charges that she violated union rules by writing and performing producer functions for her E! network show during a strike.)
Last year, Rivers wrote her 11th book, I Hate Everyone … Starting with Me. It became a bestseller, much like two previous provocatively titled opuses, Men Are Stupid and They Like Big Boobs: A Woman’s Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery, and Murder at the Academy Awards: A Red Carpet Murder Mystery. She insists the I Hate Everyone title for her last book is more than cute.
“Anyone who thinks they’re wonderful …” Rivers makes grunting sounds suggesting she has no time for folks who adore themselves, including herself. “Anyway, I’m working
‘Funny is asexual. Comedy doesn’t age. If my dog could make people laugh, he’d host a gala at Just for Laughs. JOAN RIVERS comedian
on the next book now, and it will make the others look sweet,” she pledges.
To really get insight into what makes Rivers rock, check out the aptly titled 2010 documentary, A Piece of Work.
This is warts and facelifts and confessions and insecurities and all. It is alternately painful and funny. It is also one of the most revealing glimpses inside the volatile world of showbiz ever to surface on screen.
Rivers is a workaholic. She rarely turns down any work offer, be it in Minnesota or Iceland or the Bronx. The cash helps.
She lives a lavish lifestyle in one of Manhattan’s highest-rent districts, and she refuses to cut back. Plus — and unbeknownst to many — Rivers supports a gaggle of friends and relatives.
“I love what I do,” she says. “It’s not like, ‘The poor thing has to work.’ I am one of the few people who is truly blessed by making a living at what they love.
“People keep saying they can’t wait till they retire. What? They spend their whole lives waiting to retire? That’s crazy. I love every aspect of my work — whether it’s writing, performing or editing.”
Nor is Rivers loath to latch on to new-age social media. She’s on Twitter and has nearly two million followers. For good reason.
She doesn’t hold back with her comments: “Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are back together!? They’re on-and-off-again more than John Travolta’s wig.”
Or, “Paula Deen fired her agent. I guess he came back from summer vacation a shade too tan for her.”
It also helps that Rivers keeps au courant with the latest gossip and trends. “Paula Deen was great last week, but I have to stay focused on what’s hot this week.”
It appears that when it comes to humour it’s all-in-the-family DNA.
“My father was a doctor, and he was very funny. My sister was a lawyer and she was very funny. My 12-year-old grandson is very funny. And so is Melissa.”
Best to bottle it, because Rivers firmly believes funny is genetic.
“I watch all these kids who go to comedy class. What are they doing? You can’t go to classes to learn to be funny or creative or even to cook. I’ve watched a friend of mine go through $25,000 worth of cooking lessons, and she still stinks.
“Another friend of mine taught acting at Yale, and I asked him who of all the people that went to his drama class were good. He said Meryl Streep walked in the first day. He wanted to tell her not to bother with his classes, that she should go ahead and just do it. He said she was absolutely head and shoulders above everybody he had ever worked with.”
If Rivers could teach a class, she would opt for decorating. Anyone who saw her ornate apartment in the documentary knows that Marie Antoinette had little on Rivers in the home-design department. “I even change around hotel rooms that I stay in.” Rivers has come to grips with many facets of aging. No new romance in her life.
“That hotel closed about two years ago,” she says. “The hotel would be me. I let myself gain six pounds, and I’m very happy. I control the TV. I decide what I’m doing. It’s a great sense of freedom. I feel so good. Every time I think I’m 80, I go: ‘what!’ ”
Rivers has but one request left on her bucket list. She wants to reprise her Tony-nominated lead role in Sally Marr and Her Escorts, a play suggested by the life of Lenny Bruce’s mother.