Fiancé’s family leaves her out
Dear Abby: I recently started dating one of my graduate school classmates. We come from different cultures, but we get along great and I really like him.
My problem is he’s very close to his family, who seem to like me very much, but I always feel left out around them. An example: The nine of us went out to dinner and the whole time they were speaking to each other in their native tongue while I just sat there. Then, after dinner, his parents asked why I was so quiet.
I want a future with this man, but I know it won’t work out if I can’t be included in his family. Am I wrong to think they should involve me in the conversation? Outsider In New York Dear Outsider: In light of the fact that everyone knows you don’t speak the language, their behaviour does seem inconsiderate — particularly if it’s happening often. Perhaps you should speak to them about it and ask to be included in the conversation. An alternative would be to take a crash course in their native tongue so you’ll have some idea about what’s being said. Dear Abby: I have been in a steady, committed relationship with my boyfriend, “Carey,” for four years. We have discussed our future and have agreed that we want to get married and start a family soon.
As a child, I always dreamed of a big, fancy wedding. Carey, on the other hand, says he doesn’t want one. My biggest issue is he insists we don’t need rings, and he refuses to get me one. Although I have explained that a ring would symbolize our love and life together, and it would mean a great deal to me personally, he won’t budge. What should I do? Am I being superficial? Confused About Marriage Dear Confused: I don’t think that wanting a wedding ring is superficial. It’s normal. Furthermore, if you have any doubts about marrying this young man, you should put the wedding on hold until the two of you have had premarital counselling. Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips, daughter of Pauline Phillips, the original Dear Abby. Write Abby at www.DearAbby.com or c/o The Ottawa Citizen, Box 5020, Ottawa, K2C 3M4. For a reply, send a self-addressed envelope. Abby covers postage. Include name and phone number if you want your letter published.