Other woman feels bad about ill wife

Dear Abby: I am a twice-divorced woman who has never been good at choosing the men. Two years ago, I met a man 12 years my senior. He is sweet, thoughtful and caring. What started as companionship has turned into a love affair. The problem is he is married.

His wife is not well. The way he cares for her is what attracted me. He spends what time he can with me, but mostly he is there for her.

I don’t want him to leave her for me. I have tried breaking it off with him, but he gets me to take him back.

I feel like I’m in the background waiting for her to die.

Guilty In Kentucky

Dear Guilty: Your feelings are well-founded. You ARE waiting in the background for this man’s wife to die. But what if she doesn’t?

You say you have never been good at choosing men, and I have to agree. Please don’t think I am unsympathetic, but it’s time to ask yourself why you chose to get involved with someone who isn’t available except for a few stolen moments. If marriage is what you really want, your priority should be to find a man who doesn’t have a previous commitment.

Dear Abby: I have recently been contacted by an old boyfriend who is now incarcerated. He claims I was the love of his life and he thought about me often after our breakup. He is now asking me to become his pen pal and send him money occasionally.

I have bitter memories of our relationship. He is begging me not to “abandon” him, but I don’t want the role of pen pal and provider. How do I share my thoughts without

hurting his feelings?

Reluctant In California

Dear Reluctant: If you are smart, you won’t respond to him at all. I have printed letters from more than one prison guard who wanted to warn kind-hearted, gullible women that inmates send multiple “solicitations” of this kind in the hope that SEVERAL of the recipients will send money.

You are not responsible for this man’s well-being. Your lives have obviously gone in polar opposite directions. My advice is to keep it that way.