Sister’s death triggers life regrets
Dear Abby: I am a 65-year-old active woman who still works. I play tennis several times a week and have a loving relationship with my kids. I know with certainty that I have many good things in my life. However, since my sister died last year, I have been having second thoughts — especially regarding relationships and my choice of jobs.
I realize now that more than a few of my decisions were based on low self-esteem. I’m feeling depressed and lonely. I feel like my world is shrinking, and I don’t know how to get back on track and be a positive and happy person again. As it is, I’m faking it with my children, and my friends have no idea. How do I improve my life at this late stage? Depressed In San Diego Dear Depressed: One way would be to be more honest with your friends. If they are good friends, they’ll be willing to listen and give you an honest perspective.
You are lucky to be vital and active, because it means your world doesn’t have to shrink any more than you want it to. Because you say you’re lonely, perhaps it’s time to consider enlarging your circle of acquaintances.
The loss of your sister is probably what started your re-evaluation of your life and choices, and that’s normal. But please remember that regret is the cancer of life. You can’t change the past, and you mustn’t allow it to cloud your future. While you may be having second thoughts about choices you made, the lessons you learned made you the person you are today. Dear Abby: In my university classroom, students place their feet on chairs, teachers lecture sitting on desks, and the dean sits atop her desk and places her feet on a chair. Please tell me this is NOT OK! Proper In Washington Dear Proper: It appears you come from a generation or culture in which the atmosphere has always been quite formal. I can tell you it’s “not OK” if it will make you feel better, but if it’s acceptable to the teacher, the dean and the school, then it’s time for you to loosen up. Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips, daughter of Pauline Phillips, the original Dear Abby. Write Abby at www.DearAbby.com or c/o The Ottawa Citizen, Box 5020, Ottawa, K2C 3M4. For a reply, send a self-addressed envelope. Abby covers postage. Include name and phone number if you want your letter published.