When a guest’s bottle doesn’t match your dinner
Some tips on dealing with this sticky situation
As wine has become both an everyday commodity and a subject of much more interest, questions of etiquette have arisen that probably didn’t bother people 10 years ago. There are some fairly basic dos and don’ts (don’t give your dieting boss a bottle of Fat Bastard Shiraz), but there are other issues that are less clear.
Take this query from a reader, who is not the first, by any means, to raise it: “Is one obligated to open the bottles of wine people bring when hosting a dinner party?
“Personally, I like to pick the wine and make sure I have enough of the same so there is no mixing and topping up with the wrong one. There seems to be a sense by some that the brought wine should be used, rather than what the host offers.”
You can imagine the dynamics here, and also the rich potential for grievance: a host annoyed that a guest insisted on opening their bottle of wine that didn’t go well with the meal; a guest upset that he/she wasn’t able to taste the wine that he/she had brought.
In general, I would agree with the reader. I like to plan a dinner party with food and wine. If someone turned up with a bottle that had no place with the food (even though I’m very flexible when it comes to food and wine pairing, which has got right out of control), I wouldn’t serve it.
On the other hand, if a guest asked, in advance, what food I was serving, and brought a bottle they thought would go well with it, I would open it (even if I didn’t think it would be a great pairing). In these cases, you always have the option of saying that your guest is welcome to bring a bottle, but that you have wine for the dinner in hand. (As I write this, I feel I sound more and more like Ann Landers.)
I can think of a couple of problematic scenarios, such as when a guest brings a special bottle (maybe one they picked up on a trip and lugged back in their baggage), or a rare, old or expensive bottle.
You might make an exception here, and open it, but only if it goes with the food. You might not want to drink a 20-year-old Mosel riesling with grilled lamb, or a 1947 Château Cheval Blanc with barbecued ribs. In these cases, I think it’s perfectly fine to say you’ll invite those guests back for another meal sometime, where you’ll serve their wine.
I think most guests (who are probably your friends) should be quite happy if you explain why you’re not serving their wine. If they make a fuss about it, or sulk all the way through dinner, you might think of getting new friends.