Spouse’s actions make wife feel violated
Dear Abby: I love my husband very much. Until the last few years there have never been any problems in our 20-year marriage. I have depression and epilepsy, and I am on five different medications for them.
Sometimes when I have come out of a seizure, I have found that my clothes have been removed and my husband is “touching” me. Also, because the medication puts me into a deep sleep at night, I have half-awakened to him having sex with me.
I am so groggy I can’t respond. Is this right? I feel like I have been violated, but I haven’t said anything to him. This causes me to cringe most of the time when he touches me now.
I’d like to get back to a normal love life, but I can’t get over what he does to me when I’m not fully aware. How do I tell him I know what he has been doing without ruining my marriage? Feeling Violated In Rio Rancho, N.M.
Dear Feeling Violated: You feel violated because what your husband is doing is called spousal rape, and it’s a criminal offence. Having sex with someone who is so doped up she (or he) can’t give consent is a sexual assault. Tell your husband you know what he has been doing, how you feel about it and that you would prefer that the two of you make love while you are wide awake and able to fully enjoy it. This should be discussed with a marriage counsellor and, if necessary, the police.
Dear Abby: Next month will be our 25th anniversary. My wife and I are permanently separated, but will not divorce because she would lose health coverage under my employer’s plan.
How do I acknowledge this “landmark” — or should I just ignore it, since it isn’t really a celebratory event?
Not Quite An Ex In The South
Dear Not Quite An Ex: If you and your wife are on speaking terms, call her and say something nice. Or send her a card. If you’re not on friendly terms, then diplomatically ignore the landmark. Dear Abby is written by
Jeanne Phillips, daughter of Pauline Phillips, the original Dear Abby. Write Abby at www.DearAbby.com or c/o The Ottawa Citizen, Box 5020, Ottawa, K2C 3M4. For a reply, send a self-addressed envelope. Abby covers postage. Include name and phone number if you want your letter published.