Twins not treated as individuals
Dear Abby: I’m the proud mother of a daughter, a son and eightyear-old twin boys. I am having a hard time getting people to understand that my boys, whom I rarely refer to as “twins,” are two SEPARATE people! Some family members buy gifts for our daughter and our eldest son, and then ONE gift our younger boys are expected to share. They once received one T-shirt.
We have never dressed them alike. They are individuals who should be treated as such.
Christmas is around the corner, and I don’t know how to tell my family members to please buy gifts for both the boys. I don’t expect anyone to go broke. Can you please help me find the right words without sounding greedy? Mom Of Four In Ottawa
Dear Mom: Your relatives don’t appear to be particularly sensitive, or they would realize that children are individuals whether they happen to be wombmates or not. Their “frugality” puts a damper on what are supposed to be happy occasions. It would not be “greedy” to tell them that if they can’t afford a gift — regardless of how small — for each child, it would cause fewer hurt feelings if they sent none for any of your children.
Dear Abby: My boyfriend’s daughter, “Heather,” came to me the other day and told me a girl at school is having sex with a 36-year-old. Abby, the girl is only 13. When I told Heather I wanted to tell a counsellor, she begged me not to.
I am torn about what to do. I don’t want her mad at me, but I can’t just stand back and let this continue to happen. Heather and I are nine years apart, so I don’t really come across as a parental figure. I don’t know if I should tell her dad or not. Please help. Don’t Know What To Do
Dear Don’t Know: The girl in question is being raped. The 36-year-old is a predator. What you should do is find out the girl’s name and then let her parents know what is going on so they can possibly inform the police. If you can’t locate the parents, talk to a school counsellor, who is ethically and legally required to report a crime like this.
Dear Abby is written by Jeanne Phillips, daughter of Pauline Phillips, the original Dear Abby. Write Abby at www.DearAbby.com or c/o The Ottawa Citizen, Box 5020, Ottawa, K2C 3M4. For a reply, send a self-addressed envelope. Abby covers postage. Include name and phone number if you want your letter published.