Nasty family tries to break up relationship

Q Everything is great between my boyfriend and me (two and a half years together), other than his family and how they treat me. His father’s an alcoholic, his step-mom’s a bully, and extremely rude towards me, his stepsister and his brother are same. His other two step brothers couldn’t care less if I exist.

There’s a lot of family issues and they fight almost daily. His stepsister’s created rumours about me, which his family believes. They blame me for their problems. His step-mom claims that I said, “at least my love me more,” mean ing she hardly loves her kids.

I’ve never done any of these things, and am willing to even to put things on better terms.

I love my boyfriend, and I know this isn’t his fault. We’re in a very serious relationship and want to make this work. What should we do, and how should we go about it? Badly Treated

A Discuss together, openly and honestly, how likely this crew of nasty, blaming people is ever going to be welcoming and nonjudgmental. (Not likely.)

Then agree on an “apology” you can offer to cover their accusations, as in, “I’m very sorry that I offended you in any way. (John) and I love each other and we both want to have a good, respectful relationship with all his family.”

Your boyfriend should also speak up and say that he loves you dearly, and wants his family to honour his choice. You’ll both at least know you tried.

Then get on with your future together.

Q I met this guy two months ago. The attraction physically and emotionally was instant.

He’d just got out of a four-year relationship that apparently was suffocating. He still talks to his ex and seems afraid to let her go. Also, he’s enjoying single. Recently, I confessed I wanted more. He said he couldn’t do more but that he liked me. He was adamant that he needed me in his life, as a friend. I agreed.

I saw him today and things seemed good, but distant. I don’t think I can be just his friend. Why does he want nothing more? Confused “Friend”

A He’s shown you why — the breakup that’s not fully over, the new singles scene.

Yes, he likes you. He’s also flattered you want more. But he’s not ready and shouldn’t be. It’d be his “rebound” relationship and even more upsetting to you when it ends. Be friendly, but not needy. Be unavailable sometimes. It’s the only way for him to find out if he misses you.