GARDENING’S DARK SIDE
How to avoid plant-related perils
The gardening world is full of hazards. Perils at the garden centre, at the plant nursery, in the garden and beyond.
I was at a big box store a little while ago and saw something that nearly knocked me on my keister. Dozens of pyramidal cedars stood forlorn and completely brown, with a sign that said they were marked down for quick sale.
Yes, unsuspecting gardener, you too can buy the Thuja Occidentalist ‘Crispy Brown’ for only $5 apiece — a striking complement to another brown plant, Carex buchananii, otherwise known as leatherleaf sedge (Zone 6), but this one is meant to look like that.
I have had dozens of moments through my life so far as a gardener that either threw me for a loop or sneaked up on me and proverbially bit me in the rear.
Having been smitten by a stunning perennial called donkey-tail spurge, I had begun to vigorously champion it. A sun-lover with succulent foliage “tails” of a striking glaucous blue colour, the downside is that when cut, the stems exude a milky sap that is highly corrosive to the skin. Likewise, if you come into contact with the notorious giant hogweed, or any of its cousins (for example, wild parsnip or poison hemlock), you will be dealing with the same potential for severe skin reactions. And be ever vigilant about poison ivy. Scientists say that climate change has made this plant grow bigger and its effects have become more toxic.
My very first gardening whoopsie took place when I purchased a glorious and very healthy-looking delphinium.
The thing grew and grew and I waited patiently to see its spire reveal glorious blue flowers, but it never happened. The whole episode was anticlimactic and I could only think that I had been sold that rare species delphinium whose diminutive blooms were an insipid mauve. (I am being charitable here.) As a couple of weeks passed and I tired of looking at this disappointment, I went to dispatch it and grabbed the flowering stalks with my bare hand.
The pain was excruciating and I threw the impostor to the ground. I was now dancing around clutching my hand because it was impaled by several schizocarps, a most appropriate name for the lethal dry seed casings that can puncture skin like the most deadly rose thorns.
Plants are often marketed as “easy to grow” or “vigorous” or “suckering” — the last describes its habit of spreading with determined lateral roots but is also what you’ll be if you buy it.
We all know that mint, goutweed, false spirea and lily of the valley all have a tendency to gallop through an entire garden if not curbed.
But there have also been some quite enticing ornamentals to seduce us that don’t know when to quit: both ‘Firecracker’ and gooseneck loosestrife, bee balm, lyme grass, perennial sunflower, plume poppy, even Japanese anemone and garlic chives – all of these perennials will need to be dutifully managed so that their neighbours can get a leaf in edgewise.
So the most obvious perilous lessons are: a $5 cedar is usually a dead cedar and a plant that is easy to grow may be one you’ll soon be glad to be rid of.