Give boyfriend space to recover from anxiety issues

Q My boyfriend and I ended our 10-month relationship. It wasn’t always easy, but we were happy. We met each other’s friends, we went on trips and dates — we were in love. I had bouts of depression and an eating disorder, he struggled with anxiety and panic disorder, but we supported each other. But several months ago, his anxiety worsened, and he had to quit work. He was having random panic attacks, our sex life became non-existent, we hardly went out. I researched anxiety and other disorders, and sought help from local support groups. A few weeks ago, he said he couldn’t do it anymore. Our relationship was too straining on him. He was afraid he was hurting me. I had to let him go. He asked me not to wait for him because we don’t know how long recovery would take or what he’d be like when on medication. Do I just cut off contact so he can focus on getting better on his own? He said I should call him if I’m having a hard time — I think my depression’s creeping back — but wouldn’t that hinder his recovery process? How often can I reach him without making him anxious?

Still Very Caring

A Do what he asked — give him the space to try and recover. It means occasional contact only. He was kind to say he wants to know when you’re having difficulty, but that is counter-productive to his dealing with anxiety issues. Send a personal note that’s positive and encouraging about him, without mentioning your own situation. But do take care of yourself. Reach out to family and friends to combat dwelling on this separation. There’s a valid reason for it, based on caring enough to know he needs professional help and a focus on himself.