SOME NEW OSCAR CATEGORIES
Awards the Academy should bestow
It’s near the end of the summer film season as we know it, and some studios feel fine. Others not so much.
In 2015, there were summer sizzlers, fizzlers and lots that fell in between.
For instance, Thomas Hardy’s Far from the Madding Crowd was made into a movie. And what a relief: There were no end-of-screening tests for audiences.
George Clooney was surprised to be headlining a summer sci-fi movie with Tomorrowland, and may never do so again unless Marvel has a bright idea for him.
The Entourage film based on the TV series finally hit theatres, so that ended what seemed to be neverending speculation. Arnie was back in Terminator Genisys — but not many moviegoers seemed to care one way or the other.
Ted 2 proved that sometimes too much can be enough, although the box office success of Minions counted as an exception to the rule.
Other than that, here are the cinematic summer prizes for movies that famously achieved something completely different:
The hero was really the heroine medal, presented to Mad Max: Fury Road.
Realistically, the film should have been called Mad Max: Furiosa Road. Clearly, Mad Max as defined by Tom Hardy follows the lead of Charlize Theron’s frenetic Furiosa in the stylish George Miller update.
The trip from hell and back received assistance from Hardy’s Max. But if it weren’t for Theron’s Furiosa, Max would still be on the side of the apocalyptic road trying to hitch a ride.
The ‘déjà view’ all over again trophy goes to Avengers: Age of Ultron.
The band of Marvel all-star superheroes reunited to cover familiar territory that went something like: glib dialogue, eye-popping action, gag, in-joke and meaningful exchange. Repeat.
It’s a winning Joss Whedon formula and it won again as Avengers 2 scooped up more than $1.4 billion worldwide this summer.
The head trip prize straight outta the mixed emotions factory is accepted by Inside Out.
Peter Docter was in the house when he noticed his preteen daughter getting mopey. Only Docter would figure that analyzing her transitions would provide the theme for a Disney Pixar animated motion picture. It turned out his prognosis was entertainingly accurate.
The best use of Thor award goes to Vacation.
Thor’s Chris Hemsworth plays a narcissistic TV weather dude in the Vacation remake. In one memorable sequence, the Aussie actor bares almost all — which gives new meaning to the term Down Under.
The boyfriend punisher prize is offered to Pitch Perfect 2.
The Bellas warbled. They danced. They a cappella-ed. Significant others should consider themselves lucky there were no required audienceparticipation scenes. But, then, PP2 is no Rocky Horror Picture Show. The revenge award motivating Pitch Perfect 2 payback goes to San Andreas. It’s a disaster movie, all right. The earth quaked, the tidals waved, the traffic snarled and a family was in crisis. The film amounted to a California Armageddon worthy of those 1970s flicks defining unfortunate events.
Even Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson had trouble wrestling with the multifaceted San Andreas storyline, while a cappella fans in San Andreas movie theatres were smiling and knowing why.
The less-than-zero Marvel vehicle with the licence to bore belongs to Fantastic Four.
The plot, the action and the character development moved from weak to dull, and sometimes ventured into long stretches of tedium. Maybe the unfab four were born under a bland sign.
The fake dinosaur theme park turned into a reel cash cow plaque goes to Jurassic World.
The monster mash-up caught on in a flash. It has the new “It” guy, Chris Pratt. It has scary dinosaurs and it fills a void in the hair-raising department.
What Jurassic World did at the box office was even scarier. The movie passed The Avengers for third all-time earnings, behind Titanic and Avatar.
The mini-he bust of triumph is presented to Ant-Man.
The Marvel thing arrives in a small package but is brought to life in a big way by the charmingly lovable Paul Rudd. Tiny expectations were met and surpassed.
The lifetime achievement sprint cup is offered to man-on-the-move Tom Cruise.
Cruise has been running on enthusiasm, and in films, since the early 1980s. Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation continues his jog fest, proving that he still has momentum.
The six-pack statue goes to Magic Mike XXL, by a manslide.
Channing Tatum leads his team of ab-fab male strippers on a frenzied mission to shake and bake, dedicated to teasers and those who enjoy being teased.