Should I stay with a man who I don’t love?

Q I have a beautiful four-yearold son. His father was initially a “rebound” for me.

I stayed because he treated me well and I ended up falling for him. I got pregnant and everything changed.

I was forced to go to doctor’s appointments alone. He made ridiculously stupid decisions and I had to clean up his messes, with the help of our families.

He put me under huge unnecessary stress and I can’t let that go. I’ve resented him since.

Over all, he’s got a great heart. He loves our son and me. He’s a decent father and he’s never cheated on me.

We’ve had ups and downs, makeups and breakups.

I want to be head-over-heels for my partner, and I’m not.

Everyone wants his or her family to work, and I’ve certainly tried. The thought of my family breaking apart breaks my heart.

However, he’s been bringing up marriage and the thought makes me ill.

He’s incredibly immature, insecure, and controlling. We bicker about nearly everything.

His femininity turns me off, yet he thinks he’s entitled to sex whenever and wherever he wants (it’s not all that great, either).

Lately, I’ve been the sole provider and I’m TIRED.

I love him, but I can’t give him that fiery, intense love that I want and feel we both deserve.

I make mistakes as well. Do I stay because he’s a “good guy who doesn’t cheat?”

Not In Love

A Many people have good, solid, lasting marriages without fiery, intense love. But you’re not likely to be one of them.

You hold too much resentment, he remains insecure and controlling, and sex with him isn’t a strong bond for you.

So unless there are constructive changes, you won’t stay together.

However, there’s a mutually loved young son. And a family sense that matters to you. Abandoning that scene without a serious joint effort would be foolish.

Counselling’s your only hope as a couple — IF you’re both open to recognizing your own parts in maintaining the current negative dynamic.

Read my blog on www.ellieadvice.com on How To Find a Therapist and see a professional who feels like the right “fit” for you two.

That’s when you’ll know if you’ve both really tried enough or can do more to boost your love, respect, and sex life.

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