Try to stay flexible when it comes to those challenging family holiday plans

Q My husband’s sister booked a house rental in the Florida Keys for Christmas week without asking any of us first if those dates were acceptable.

My 30-year-old son’s a single father of a beautiful three-yearold boy. They are my life.

My husband’s not my son’s biological father but is very close to him.

My sister-in-law rented a three-bedroom house for eight adults. This includes her and her husband, her husband’s mom and her boyfriend, me and my husband, his mother, 83, and his brother — all together for a week.

My husband says we could just go for three days or so.

That’s not the point. It’s the busiest week for me. I DO IT ALL! I decorate, wrap, cook, and entertain while he watches TV, so he doesn’t get it.

I’ve asked if he’d go without me but he’s flat out against it.

His family all live in Georgia and mine live here in California.

To be fair, we usually spend many holidays with my side.

If asked beforehand, I’d have suggested the following week so that I could be with my grandson and son during Christmas day and New Year’s. I don’t know what to do.

— Christmas Dilemma Already!

One possible solution may or may not be affordable – book a nearby efficiency motel (Florida abounds in them) for your son and grandson as their Christmas gifts and let them enjoy the sunshine and sand.

Then, do some decorating, baking, and wrapping several weeks before, freeze the cakes and cookies, and take them in a cooler. Everything you need for décor is available in Florida.

Your “entertaining” can be more casual and you’ll create great memories for your husband’s family, especially his mom.

It also won’t hurt to change your own routine a bit – still a warm, loving effort but maybe easier on you, and with some help from the others.

If you simply can’t do this, go for three days and return to spend New Year’s with your son. Again, you can prepare your holiday celebration ahead. Commentary — “I’m one of “those women” with a very low sex drive who doesn’t ever desire sex.

“It stems from a variety of factors, mostly medical. I love and care for my husband very much.

“I’ve spoken to doctors, and attempted solutions which unfortunately didn’t help.

“People don’t realize how extremely difficult it can be to force yourself into having sex when you don’t want to.

“At best it’s uncomfortable, but at worst it’s soul-crushing — having to put yourself in such a vulnerable position to appease someone else. Those who have trouble with it shouldn’t be dismissed as “uncaring.”

“For many, sex makes people feel closer to their spouse. For me, it’s the opposite.

“I’m not saying that anyone should have to resign themselves to a sexless marriage, but assigning blame to their partner isn’t the best route, either.

“I’m fortunate to have an understanding husband who loves me enough to accept our once-or-twice-a-month encounters.

“No two people in a marriage can get something they want whenever they want it, and he understands that applies to sex as well. I know that I’m very lucky.”

— Not So Sexy Ellie — Thanks for your bringing insight into a very personal matter. Whatever works for a couple that’s mutually accepted and hurts no one else is private business.

Q I want to get together with a guy I like. I feel he likes me as a friend, but am unsure how much he likes me in a romantic way.

I heard he used to like someone else who was really pretty.

I want to ask him to hang, but don’t want to sound desperate or annoying. Mostly, I don’t want to ask him if he doesn’t have feelings for me.

— Confused and Unsure

A Continue being friendly without asking for more, till you know him better.

Talk about anything you have in common – other friends, school starting again soon, whatever you’ve both been doing this summer, etc.

Don’t look or act insecure, or worry about other “pretty” girls. Everyone has personal appeal, and you need to become confident of yours.

If you show casual interest in him, he’ll likely give you a chance to ask to hang out together. If not, stay friends. Young people often develop new feelings.

TIP OF THE DAY

Being flexible is as excellent a way to show family caring as sticking with a rigid routine.