Don’t take on his costs

Q I’ve been with a wonderful, kind and caring man whom I love for seven years.

We both were previously married, each with one child.

I’m much younger than he is, and my child’s still in elementary school.

He’s looking at retiring soon. We’ve been planning on moving in together into my house.

However, he still supports his adult child (in her 30s) and has said it’s too late to teach her to be financially responsible.

I’m not sure I can accept this once we’re living together.

I’ll need to legally protect myself and my child. I need help to get over this hump.

Upset and Concerned

A You’ll need a co-habitation agreement that states that the house belongs to you. It’s in your will that you decide whether, if you die before him, he has rights to live there for one year or five years, etc. and whether the property then is owned by your child or sold for the money to be invested for your child.

Talk this over thoroughly with your boyfriend, and then with your lawyer. It’s not an unusual approach in similar cases.

Then you need to agree on sharing household expenses. Both of you have support obligations (it’s his right to do as he pleases with his own money), so you need to be able to afford them after shared household expenses.

If he can pay his way and support his adult daughter, that’s his business.