Religion clouds couple’s future

Q My boyfriend of three years and I are from two different religions (the kind that each other’s parents wouldn’t be happy about).

I love him and want the relationship to go forward. He’s the best guy I’ve ever dated.

But he doesn’t want to meet my parents, nor want me to even tell my parents that we’re dating. He hasn’t told his parents, partly because his mother’s been suffering from multiple sclerosis for some time.

I want it to work and I want to be supportive. I also want to get married and not hide my relationship, as I’m in my late 20s.

— What do I do?

A After three years you need to start talking seriously about what you can each accept, or not.

He needs to decide whether he’s in or out, regarding your relationship long-term.

If he insists that he’s in, start planning how you’ll handle both sets of parents. You could go together to talk to someone respected in each of your communities to discuss how mixed marriages can be handled, what approaches regarding children are accepted or not, etc.

Or you can each go separately to talk to someone (community person or counsellor) and firm up your own needs/wants for your union to work.

Ultimately, you each have to tell your parents your feelings for each other and what you’re prepared to face, to stay together.

If he keeps delaying any of this, take a three-month break. If nothing changes in that time, move on. Q My wife and I are in our 60s. We rarely hold hands, kiss, or hug, and somehow stopped saying, “I love you.”

Sex once or twice monthly is the only physical connection.

I don’t know if she likes sex or just does it to keep me happy.

Sometimes I wonder if she even likes me. Being in the autumn of life, I don’t want to feel like this.

Alone but Married A Today, being in your 60s is like late summer, not autumn. It’s healthy to reflect at any stage, but there’s no imminent end in sight. Just, perhaps, some depression about aging.

Your married life is otherwise good, so take the lead on showing affection, reaching out to touch, then hug, and express love.