Break from dysfunctional relationship

My boyfriend and I have been on and off for ten years.

I’ve previously cheated on him and was forgiven (I’m grateful). The past two years were amazing until recently.

He shared a girl’s message with me. I also saw that they’d been in contact on a social media platform.

Recently, at his house, he was secretly messaging her. I then saw her (and an ex) as recently contacted individuals an hour later.

He’s now saying he thinks our sex is boring, our relationship’s too stable, too bogged down in routine.

We’ve previously attended swingers’ clubs. Now he explained that it gives our egos a boost, which, for him, comes from the work it takes to have sex with someone else.

He’s asked if I’d be open to that. I said, not now.

I realized he’s not done with seeing other people and wants some action/drama. Yet he’s also said he’d like us to live together.

I no longer feel a need to compromise with him as he’s going behind my back to have his ego stroked.

Yet I want him to do what he needs to be happy, but I don’t want our relationship to suffer. I feel it’s been disrespected.

— Conflicted

A Your relationship’s already suffering, and you know it. This is no time for moving in together, nor for more open sex with others. It’s time for a break. He’s more than restless. Swingers’ clubs aren’t enough for him, he also wants private sexual liaisons with several other women? and that’s just his desires so far.

Ignoring your own discomfort would be a setup for years of unhappiness.

A break will show you how far he’s taking his desire for drama, and help you firm up what you believe a relationship should provide you.

Tip of the day

Don’t accept an open sexual relationship to please another’s needs, if they’re not your own.