‘I had to fight’ for life of my daughter
Readers share tales of mental health system
A Citizen story on a suicidal 17-yearold girl who spent eight days in hospital without ever getting proper care brought a deluge of emails and comments to the paper from families and individuals who faced similar crises. The stories share a common theme: They asked for help but didn’t get it.
Here are excerpts from some of the emails and letters we’ve received. They have been edited and the names of the senders and institutions have been withheld:
“We have been struggling through the system to get help for our daughter over the last two years. I fought and fought for service as my daughter suffered and had six suicide attempts. I was so loud and persistent ... they finally got her help, even though I think it was just to get me to be quiet and go away. I hated having to do that as it is not how I would normally behave, but I quickly realized I had no choice. I had to fight for her life as no one else would. ... To see your child in so much pain that they would rather die is an unbearable torture that affects the whole family.”
“Your article really touched me. I feel the same as the mother in your article. ... My husband took his own life almost two years ago and we tried so much to get help but all we got were closed doors. Even when he was suicidal, the appointments with a psychiatrist were scheduled six weeks apart! What do you do for six weeks with a suicidal person in the house?”
“My own suicidal, drug addicted, self-injuring (cutting) daughter was turned away from ___ by a social worker who told us (the police accompanied us) that she was merely “looking for attention.”
“I feel for this mother. I have been trying since my daughter was 15 to get help for her depression and anxiety! It is impossible in Ottawa. ... Imagine bring your 16-year-old child to hospital because she was having a panic attack. She couldn’t leave the school bathroom, she was huddled in a ball on the floor when I found her. ... I am so scared one day she’ll feel the pain has to end and end her life.”
“Your story featuring the distraught mother and the suicidal teen was hard for me to read, because I’ve been there. ... It took six weeks, this past summer, watching our daughter deteriorate into full-blown psychosis, before we got her admitted into a child and adolescent treatment programme. She’d been exhibiting self-harm and suicidal thinking for many weeks. The only care we were offered was six-eight weeks of counselling by a social worker. ... Six awful, gut-wrenching weeks of watching our daughter become completely unhinged. It was either have her spend another night in the hallway of a hospital, or take her home and hope she didn’t get worse. She got way worse. We had to call 911. It took five people to strap her down in the psychiatric wing of the emergency ward. I will never be able to erase the horror of that experience from her mind or mine.”
“Thank you for bringing this terrible tragedy to light. ... I have a grandson with terrible mental illness. He is 10. He has been brought to the ____ by Ottawa Police approximately 10/12 times under section 17 (which means he is a danger to himself and others). He has now been admitted three times but only for a few days because he is not supposed to be in the mental ward because he is not old enough. This is not ____ fault, this is the government guidelines.”
“When we requested help, ____ turned us away. ... The ____ would not keep him. ... Another service put us on the waiting list because ‘my son was a normal young adult going through a rough patch, but he’d be alright!’ Then, this same service called me one week after my son died by suicide. ... I thanked them for their call, but no thanks, it was too late.”