Be sensitive to hubby’s ego

QFor the past year, I’ve been going to the gym and have gained body changes and strength.

My husband has a successful career working long hours in the office, but is sedentary. While not fit, he’s not overweight, and is a couple of inches taller than me.

Last weekend, he joined two of my girlfriends and me at a picnic in the park. One girlfriend was complimenting my toned arms, saying that I was probably the strongest of all of us.

Next thing we’re armwrestling at the park bench. I triumphed over my girlfriends then had to arm-wrestle my husband.

Competitive woman that I am, after about 10 seconds I had his hand firmly pinned down to the cheers of my friends. I have to say I relished my victory, though my husband was embarrassed.

Next, we’re both asked to flex, and while my bicep stood up to attention, his only slightly responded. I noticed how sheepish he looked.

Now he’s very touchy about it and isn’t so keen being with the girls and me again. I realize that while he has status in his office, he was dominated by his wife in a test of strength, and finds that hard to accept.

I’m proud of my new athletic body and my physical prowess.

What should I/ he do to manage his bruised ego?

— Sensitive in Sydney

A The answers are easy, but they require some thoughtfulness on your part.

1. Let time heal his wounded pride, and then encourage him to fit in some fitness time for his own well-being. Remind him that it’s key to staying healthy, withstanding stress, and maintaining energy for his demanding career.

2. Do not again allow your friends to goad you into any situations that you know will embarrass your husband.

3. Recognize not just how that uncomfortable scene affected him, but what it said about you.

It’s fine to be a competitive person where that’s appropriate. But besting your husband unnecessarily, in public, purposefully, is just showing off. And demeaning to him. Let any competition in this area develop naturally once he’s pursuing fitness, too.