Is lover making an empty promise?

Q I’m in a relationship with a man who’s unhappily married, and has wanted to leave his wife for some time.

I’m divorced. We met a couple of months after I learned that my husband had been cheating on me.

My lover’s a work associate who detected my own unhappiness, and became kind and helpful to me when our jobs brought us together. Our affair started five months after I separated from my husband. I then divorced as soon after as possible.

Three years later, I’m free, looking to the future (and hopefully to having a family), but he hasn’t made the move he once kept talking about. When I ask if we can make plans, there’s always an excuse like Easter, or a visit from his parents who live far away, etc.

He still lives at home with his wife and two children (they’re 13 and 15).

Is it just a matter of waiting till he can get over the guilt of leaving his children? Or, this an empty promise? The Other Woman

A All the time you’re “waiting,” he has the perfect set-up — the kids, the appearance of a solid marriage, and you for passion breaks. But your loneliness and doubts are starting to outweigh any passing benefits.

He caught you when you were most vulnerable, but now you’re free to build a new future. There’s little likelihood of it happening with him.

Meanwhile, you’ve participated in the same unhappy scenario your husband brought to you — cheating. His wife could be as unaware and innocent as you were back then.

Get back to being your own woman, not just this man’s tidy solution.