SECOND PLACE AND PROUD OF IT: FESTIVALS MAKE INTERESTING BOASTS

Here are a few of our favourite boasts made by Ottawa festivals, culled from their own websites and publicity material:

“The second largest jazz festival (in Canada) based on 2015 ticket sales.” “The second-oldest jazz festival in the country.” Ottawa Jazz Festival

“Premium beer from the oldest still-functioning brewery in Eastern Europe.” The Capital Ukrainian Festival, promising that Lvivske 1715 will be on sale at the beer tent

“Ranked as one of North America’s most popular outdoor music festivals.” “One of the top ten outdoor music festivals in the world.” Bluesfest

“Pitbulls are welcome as long as they wear their muzzles.” Ottawa Dog Festival, which billed itself as “Ottawa’s first outdoor furry festival”

“A block party unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.” Glowfair

“Full contact jousting. No scripts. No choreography. No air bags.” The Knights of Valour fights at The Kingdom of Osgoode Medieval Festival

“Creating new memories, sharing the culture and feeling like you’re back home in Italy will all be a part of the experience.” Ottawa Italian Week

“North America’s largest dragon boating festival.” Ottawa Dragon Boat Festival

“It’s a celebration 26 Years in the making! Middle Eastern food, entertainment and heritage — it’s all here for your delight.” Ottawa Lebanese Festival

“Ottawa’s premiere festival of all things geeky.” Ottawa Geek Market

“Canada’s biggest end-of-school, all-ages beach party.” Carivibe

“The world’s largest one-day volleyball event.” “The greatest summer party in the region.” Hope Volleyball SummerFest

“We guarantee you an unforgettable experience. This event is free of charge.” Indonesian Festival

“The best BBQ ribs in the world! Chicken and many other great food items also available.” Ottawa Ribfest