‘My daughter told me stay strong’
MY DAUGHTER TOLD ME, ‘DON’T CRY,’ AND THAT’S WHAT I HAD TO DO.
Seconds after shooting the man he had just pulled over, the police officer yelled at a woman in the passenger seat: “Ma’am, keep your hands where they are.”
Diamond “Lavish” Reynolds watched blood drench her boyfriend’s white shirt. She did not scream. She did not cry. Her language remained polite. “I will, sir,” she replied, calmly. “No worries. I will.”
Reynolds recorded the conversation on her phone, live-streaming a routine traffic stop that turned deadly and caught the world’s attention. In the background, as the officer shouted expletives, she continued to narrate the experience with startling composure.
“He just shot his arm off,” Reynolds explained to viewers, matter-of-factly.
By Thursday afternoon, the roughly 10-minute Facebook video had garnered around five million views. Minnesota Gov. Mark Dayton suggested that race played a role in the death of Philando Castile, a 32-year-old school cafeteria manager.
His death came on the heels of another high-profile police shooting, in Baton Rouge, La., where a white officer killed a black man, Alton Sterling.
In a statement Thursday, President Barack Obama said, “all Americans should be deeply troubled” by the two shootings. “We’ve seen such tragedies far too many times, and our hearts go out to the families and communities who’ve suffered such a painful loss,” Obama said.
He added that “all Americans should recognize the anger, frustration and grief that so many Americans are feeling — feelings that are being expressed in peaceful protests and vigils. Michelle and I share those feelings.”
Meanwhile, many viewers wondered how Reynolds maintained such an exceptionally calm demeanour after witnessing unthinkable violence. Was it psychological shock or the well-practised behaviour of a black woman familiar with the risks of a violent interaction with law enforcement?
Speaking to reporters Thursday, Reynolds said she found strength for her daughter, who also witnessed the shooting from the back seat.
“My daughter told me stay strong, and that’s what I had to do,” she said. “My daughter told me, ‘Don’t cry,’ and that’s what I had to do. My daughter prayed for me.”
Trauma experts say her demeanour shouldn’t surprise those who’ve worked with victims of violence. Jim Hopper, a psychology instructor at Harvard Medical School, watched the footage Thursday and said her response was consistent with what he calls a dissociative state.
In the immediate aftermath of horrific violence, he said, victims don’t always sob. Reynold’s face appeared stoic. Her voice remained steady (“You told him to get his ID, sir. His driver’s licence,” she told the police officer). But it doesn’t mean she wasn’t afraid.
“People are literally not feeling in their body what’s going on,” Hopper said. “That circuitry can basically shut down. This is the brain on horror.”
In the car, as Castile moaned beside her, Reynolds kept talking, repeating similar phrases: “Please, Jesus, don’t tell me that he’s gone.”
“Please don’t tell me he’s gone.”
It’s easier to appear unfazed, Hopper said, if a victim has something to focus on. Sometimes, it’s helping others. Sometimes, it’s calling for help. In Reynolds’ case, it’s telling the world what happened to Castile.
“She’s grasping for dear life to these phrases, to this phone,” he said. “You can think of it as a life raft to try to get through this.”
Hopper, who studies the impact of trauma on the brain, compared Reynolds’ reaction to what he has witnessed among victims of sexual assault. When they report attacks to authorities, he said, “they often sound like they’re reading from a grocery list.” Trauma can trigger pain-regulating hormones, which can make a victim appear to be relaxed, even apathetic.
Academic research has found the physical manifestation of trauma can be subtle. A 2014 report from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration emphasizes that people don’t respond to trauma like actors in Hollywood movies.
“Survivors’ immediate reactions in the aftermath of trauma are quite complicated and are affected by their own experiences,” the authors wrote. “Coping styles vary from action oriented to reflective and from emotionally expressive to reticent.”
Another study from the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma found the bulk of a victim’s emotional response often spikes in the days after a traumatic event, rather than in real time.
On social media, Twitter users offered another explanation. They lauded Reynolds’ behaviour as a deliberate act of defence.
“Lavish Reynolds managed to be calm before her dying boyfriend bc if she panics the officer might kill her too, shows much strength,” offered one Tweet.
Another said, “Lavish Reynolds calm demeanour (esp in front of daughter) is something I wouldn’t been able to do if it were me. That lady is PURE STRENGTH.”