WAR DOGS HAVE THEIR DAY
Unlikely true story about gunrunners; and Sutherland issues folk-rock album
Here is what’s on the radar screen in TV, music and film for the coming week:
MOVIES
Big releases on Friday: War Dogs; and Kubo and the Two Strings Big picture: War Dogs is based on an unlikely true story — like Moneyball, The Wolf of Wall Street and The Big Short. This time the subject is arms dealers and military contractors. Ah, sex, money and violence — the three staples of America. How did two 20-something men (played by Jonah Hill and Miles Teller) land a $300-million Pentagon contract, become successful gunrunners, and live to talk about it? From living the stereotypical “high life” (i.e. sports cars and scantily clad women) to warzone antics in the likes of Iraq and Afghanistan, this dramedy shows that what war is good for, at least for a select few: making money.
Meanwhile, Kubo is a fantastical animated adventure. When the humble, kind Kubo accidentally summons a mythical spirit, he is thrust into adventure to find out the secret of his father, a great samurai warrior, and save his family in the process. He is aided by a magical instrument, a talking beetle named Beetle (Matthew McConaughey) and a talking monkey (Charlize Theron) as he battles monsters, moon kings and evil witches. McConaughey’s Beetle delivers dazed and confused lines such as, “I don’t even think I can blink. Do I have eyelids?” All right, all right, all right. Forecast: Hill as a largerthan-life arms dealer, or McConaughey as larger-than-life insect? I’ll take one serving of beetle juice. I also see three roles in McConaughey’s near future: a live-action Fraggle; an adult version of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo (Shaggy and Scooby: PIs); and both Cheech and Chong (via the magic of CGI).
TV
Big events: Fear the Walking Dead (Aug. 21, AMC); 2016 Rio Olympic Games closing ceremony (Aug. 21, NBC/CBC) Big picture: Fear the Walking Dead’s second-half debut season returns with survivors scattered across Mexico playing Whac-aMole with zombies. I think the best way to prepare for a real zombie apocalypse is to develop a Pokémon Go Away from Zombie App. Cutting-edge technology could make Pokémon avoid the undead at all cost, therefore accidentally leading humans to safety. (Sure, our best and brightest may not survive, but the race will continue, and I call that a win.)
Meanwhile, the Olympics’ closing ceremony means you can go back to not caring about sports like gymnastics, swimming and water polo again. On a side note, I predict all those marathon swimmers who drank the polluted waters of Rio de Janeiro could make Fear the Walking Dead looking like a documentary, when the toxins kick in. (Time to revisit your zombie survival strategy. No more crossing a body of water, because all the zombies will be expert swimmers.) If my zombie plague prediction is off, the Games will return in Tokyo in 2020. Forecast: You’ll make your farewells. Either say goodbye to humanity on Fear the Walking Dead, or say goodbye to Rio.
MUSIC
Big releases on Friday: Crystal Castles (Amnesty (I)); Kiefer Sutherland (Down in a Hole) Big Picture: Toronto’s Crystal Castles returns with its first album without singer Alice Glass — who practically left the band via catapult. Co-founder Ethan Kath anchors the songwriting with new singer Edith Frances. With experimental electronic numbers like Char and Concrete, don’t play this one when tucking the kids in at bedtime.
Meanwhile, I presume Kiefer dedicated this folky rock album to the place he ends every weekend bender: a ditch or Dumpster. Song lyrics such as “not enough whiskey in the world tonight,” read like the hard-partying actor’s dream journal. The title track offers insights such as, “Down in a hole at the bottom of a bottle, took a wrong turn with my foot on the throttle.” Kiefer follows in the footsteps of other bored actors, from Johnny Depp to Kevin Costner, in launching a (tenuous) music career. Forecast: 24: Legacy debuts this fall without Jack Bauer, so I guess Kiefer needed something to do with his time. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be next in line to sing for Crystal Castles? (Am I only one who wishes McConaughey had a band, too? I predict he’ll invent his own genre — reggae-polka — and play his conga drum straight to Grammy glory.)