Helping young relative is too draining

Q For the past several years, my husband and I befriended a younger relative who has financial needs and mental health issues.

It’s become tiring and expensive, as we get older.

We now need all our resources for our own needs/projects.

We want this relative to become more self-reliant and don’t want to set up a lasting dependency.

Yet I don’t want to pull the rug out from under her at a low point in her life.

What’s the kindest way to withdraw quietly and gradually? A frank talk, which may upset her? (No one else in the family’s prepared to help.) Exhausted

A A slow withdrawal, combined with efforts to link her to community-agency help, is the kindest approach.

Also, be clear but gentle about the realities of your having more needs now, yourselves. Maintain some contact rather than abandon her.

Q My stepmother slaps me and lies to my dad about me. He doesn’t say no to her.

She told me that things are going to be worse for me.

I don’t want to make my father unhappy.

I’d love to have a good relationship with both of them, but she treats me like trash.

What should I do? Mixed-up Teen

A Find a chance to talk to your dad alone. Tell him about the incidents of physical/emotional abuse — slapping, threatening, etc.

If he doesn’t believe you or ignores your situation, confide in a trusted relative, if possible (a mother, grandmother or aunt?).

Or talk to an adult at your school (a teacher, principal or counsellor).

If nothing changes, call the Kids Help Phone free line (teens are included, too) — 1-800-6686868 — and talk to a counsellor. It’s confidential and anonymous.

You’ll get guidance about finding a place of safety, if needed, and how to handle the situation.