Harassment deserves a firm response

A co-worker in another department is my father’s age. Whenever he’d yell out my name until I responded, I just thought it was over-eagerness.

So I’d go over and chat with him for a bit. But I had to stop this when he started asking me to have coffee with him, then to carpool. He even asked for my home address so he could visit when “in the neighbourhood.”

I said a clear no. For the past year I’ve only said “Hi” in passing. Now I’ve learned that he’s been saying we’ve been dating this last year, on my insistence, and that he broke it off recently to focus on his work.

I ignore him now but he hasn’t stopped yelling my name (over and over for minutes on end, until I leave the area). Caught on an elevator together recently, he commented how pleasant it is to be alone with me.

I want him to stop giving me attention and also tell him off for that “dating” rumour, but I feel there’s no nice way of doing this without being a jerk. Too Much Attention

Forget worrying about you being a jerk. Tell him politely but firmly that you heard the rumour about your dating and it must be stopped. Say that along with yelling your name repeatedly, it’s workplace harassment.

Meanwhile, write a record of his actions that have upset you for many months. Be prepared, if necessary, to take it to human resources or your company boss.

My second-eldest sister and I became really close as we both suffered from depression which caused us to be too irritable to form new friendships.

We also both suffer from herniated discs and being overweight. We bonded over that.

She’s 37. I’m 28. We’d meet up weekly and hang out, mostly talking about negative things. It became an unhealthy pattern as I felt more and more depressed.

I started wanting to do something about my ailment, my weight, and my depression. My doctor put me on anti-depression medication and I felt so much better. I was then able to hang out with friends old and new, and not be paranoid.

But my sister (who’s a bit overweight, has low selfesteem, marital problems, depression and fertility issues) wasn’t getting better. She didn’t do anything to help her situation. She wouldn’t eat better, exercise or see a counsellor. She never likes anyone close to me or new people. She makes it seem like they’re rude or obnoxious, and finds faults in their personality and mannerisms.

But now I’m not bothered. I got busy with my new marriage, adjusting to living on my own for the first time, and working on my own depression. I can enjoy life finally. I want to let her know I can’t be sharing her misery and doing things that cause this vicious depression cycle. I think she wants me to be her depression partner. Need to Un-Bond

Stay busy. Focus on your marriage, your new friends and activities, your fitness and healthy nutrition. Be kind to your sister — she has some emotionally complicated issues along with depression — and encourage her to get proactive about improving what she can, perhaps starting with a medical check.

But don’t engage in negative chat with her about people she doesn’t like. Tell her that when she feels better about herself, she’ll also feel better about others, then change the topic. You don’t owe anyone a bond of depression.