Don’t get ‘bitten’ by woman again

Q I’ve been dating a woman for the past year and a half. She tells me often how much she loves me, we respect each other, and we have a great sex life.

We went out for a year while in university (25 years ago) and we broke up 10 or more times.

She cheated on me with anyone and everyone. Each time I left, she’d beg for days until I took her back. When we finally split, I had to kick her out of my place.

Then, all these years later, she contacted me and we went for a beer. She said she was leaving her husband. Later, she offered to come in and the rest is history.

My rationale was this: We all change and I assume she did, too. She left her marriage, we see each other when we can, as she lives two and a half hours away.

But what’s started to make me feel uneasy is that she’s now bent on reconnecting with all the ex-flings that made that year, so long ago, hellish for me.

We’d not seen each other in over a week and the first thing that came out of her mouth is that she’s decided to see one of those ex’s. — Replay? A An old saying worth considering: “Once bitten, twice shy.” Since your past relationship with this woman involves being “bitten” 10 times, the natural follow is this: Don’t let it happen again. Something ’s driving her beyond any dream of a secure and steady love.

What she seemed to have long outgrown has taken hold of her again. These past, happy 18 months together formed a renewed “honeymoon phase.”

That’s now over. You have every reason to be weary, plus hurt.

Still, if you’re thinking of giving her chances No. 11, 12, and more, be prepared this time.

Know that it’s risky at best, and insist that she go to couples’ counselling with you, and get individual therapy for herself. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.